Irrational fear vs Rational fear

I thought this was a fine posting by one of our members down in Carry Issues.

I suffer from a problem known as social anxiety disorder. I'm not officially diagnosed with it. A therapist I saw a few times is pretty sure I have it and I am sure I have it. It has brought me all sorts of problems.

To explain it simply - it is an irrational fear that haunts me. I think it can affect other people differently but this is how it affects me. Say someone invites me to their house for a get together. My immediate thoughts are on how to back out. As the day gets closer, I get more nervous. The anticipation will even get me physically sick - nauseated, loss of appetite, things like that. You might be asking what it is I fear? I don't know. The best I can guess is a fear of the unknown, what I may say, what others may say, actions, looks, class, etc. I don't ponder on any of this but it may pass through my head subconsciously. This happens with friends, even close friends though not as bad as it is with a stranger. I just can't help it. It is a struggle, often daily. It has caused me to miss out on events and parties and who knows what else. I've even had a few panic attacks when the feeling was the worst. There's no real trigger to this, it just happens. At first I just thought I enjoyed being a loner or I am just shy. Well, I suppose I am but this anxiety is making it so much worse.

It's like I'm trapped in my mind. The mind is a powerful tool, it can absolutely cripple you to the point of not being able to move or breathe. I think it is some sort of self defense mechanism, perhaps gone awry in my case. I'd say a little bit of this irrational fear is good but this much is just inhibiting.

There is no actual danger in my case, save for the possible social blunder. But my fear is drastically out of proportion with that eventuality. As PJ above hit on the head - it just plain inhibits living life to the fullest.

So what am I doing to battle this? The first step is recognition of the problem, which I've done. I now that's a cliché but like almost all clichés out there, they're true. The second step was talking to someone. I've told a few people about my problem. I've only disclosed to a few others some of the sources of various "attacks" if you will. The therapist didn't do much for me as everything he said I already knew. He kind of reinforced what I was thinking but didn't do anything with it. His questions weren't very deep or productive, it just felt like a waste of time. So I took up journaling. It's strange but it helps. The last thing I can do is to actually fight this out in my head. I have to tell myself there is nothing to be afraid of. Sometimes it means playing out the situation in my head to show how silly this fear is. At this point, it is all about mindset. I need the proper mindset, I need to take it head on. I could do more counseling or medication but I think I can do without both. It's a struggle and the fear can be crippling but I find that every time I have a "win" (like going out) that I weaken its hold on me. Everytime I hand myself a loss by backing out, I just further reinforce it. I know this as fact from personal experience and from someone else close to me who has the same problem for a lot longer time. Right now I have some problems in my life that are causing depression including this anxiety. What I've been doing is going out and hanging with friends as often as I can, at least once if not more times a week. Drinking, partying, or just eating out it doesn't matter. I need to do something. I just went out tonight (Dec. 9th,) I about backed out but then said "Fuck it." I feel the need to get out nowadays to stay on top.

I don't know if anyone suffers from this but I suspect a few on here do. You just have to fight it in your head. I can't tell you how many times I went through with something and actually enjoyed it and couldn't believe I'd miss it. Living in constant fear and hiding is not living at all.

So you ask what the difference between rational and irrational fear is? I can tell you a fear of heights or snakes is indeed rational as both are potentially dangerous to your health. Avoiding such situations is smart and can save you. Fear of social situations where you're in control and have no danger is very irrational and very unhealthy. How's that for ironic?