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-   -   More of a religious issue so I'll post it here. (http://glocktalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1445792)

OctoberRust 10-02-2012 06:57

More of a religious issue so I'll post it here.
 
Hey guys! I've noticed some of the religious folk seem REALLY happy!

So, I've decided to go shopping for an imaginary friend. I want one that is kool with me taking days off, but you know, I'll talk and hang out with him on maybe one day a week, not sunday though, that's too cliche'. Read below for the prerequisites of features this god must have before recommending me an imaginary friend/god/whatever you guys want to call it.

1. Must be big, burly, and ready to kick butt! If this god is not male, and is female, she must be HOT! Preferably a brownish female IE middle eastern, hispanic, asian, etc. She must still be kool though, and know how to use tons of weapons and fight like a man, while maintaining the beauties and femininity of a woman.

2. The heaven has to be cool, roomy, and tons of guns and tech toys for me to play with. If I'm going to take the time out of my life and dedicate one day to this imaginary friend, I want my return on investment to be GOOD.

3. No lame rules, and fear mongering, unless it's on those "non-believers". Then by all means! Lame rules consist of, but are not limited to "no sex before marriage, no polygamy, no drinking, no bad words, etc etc"

4. The god or goddess needs a pet. Like an awesome fierce looking pet. I would say a wolf, but that was fenrir in Norse mythology, and I'm afraid they'd sue me. So maybe like a dog...... The dog needs to be a breed that doesn't take crap from anybody! So maybe a Rottweiler, Germanshepherd, dobermann, etc etc......




I'll come up with more criteria for this imaginary friend to meet later, for now I hope my religious buddies and non-religious buddies here can help me concoct a new and improved religion! We can even maybe find ways to make a good amount of money off this, and of course since it's a religion, we'll be able to hide behind that "churches aren't taxed" stuff. :supergrin: Let the ideas begin!

PS - and NO flying spaghetti monster!

Woofie 10-02-2012 08:03

I pray to Joe Pesci.

Arc Angel 10-02-2012 08:47

Say, just out of curiosity, how much computer time does the sanitarium allow you each week? :freak:

NMG26 10-02-2012 08:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by OctoberRust (Post 19476999)
Hey guys! I've noticed some of the religious folk seem REALLY happy!

Some are and some are not.
A lot of religious people hate this world and are just waiting for the next. Not a good way to happiness now.
I am with you. I prefer happiness now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by OctoberRust (Post 19476999)
So, I've decided to go shopping for an imaginary friend. I want one that is kool with me taking days off, but you know, I'll talk and hang out with him on maybe one day a week, not sunday though, that's too cliche'. Read below for the prerequisites of features this god must have before recommending me an imaginary friend/god/whatever you guys want to call it.

God is omnipresent or everywhere at all times.
God is ok with you not acknowledging it's prescience at anytime.

Quote:

Originally Posted by OctoberRust (Post 19476999)
1. Must be big, burly, and ready to kick butt! If this god is not male, and is female, she must be HOT! Preferably a brownish female IE middle eastern, hispanic, asian, etc. She must still be kool though, and know how to use tons of weapons and fight like a man, while maintaining the beauties and femininity of a woman.

God is spirit and really has no form. The presence will always be there for you though and never leaves so in any situation it fits the bill, he, she, big burly, hot........God is there.

Quote:

Originally Posted by OctoberRust (Post 19476999)
2. The heaven has to be cool, roomy, and tons of guns and tech toys for me to play with. If I'm going to take the time out of my life and dedicate one day to this imaginary friend, I want my return on investment to be GOOD.

Don't think of heaven as being future. Think of heaven as being in the now, as part of life now. Metaphysical. Again always present. So in this heaven, what you are looking at is what you get. Make the best of it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by OctoberRust (Post 19476999)
3. No lame rules, and fear mongering, unless it's on those "non-believers". Then by all means! Lame rules consist of, but are not limited to "no sex before marriage, no polygamy, no drinking, no bad words, etc etc"

The only rule is love. Love while you do all things.
Are you filled with hate for something? God is there to help you heal yourself. Hate only hurts the hater, that is why it is to be overcome in your life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by OctoberRust (Post 19476999)
4. The god or goddess needs a pet. Like an awesome fierce looking pet. I would say a wolf, but that was fenrir in Norse mythology, and I'm afraid they'd sue me. So maybe like a dog...... The dog needs to be a breed that doesn't take crap from anybody! So maybe a Rottweiler, Germanshepherd, dobermann, etc etc......

You got me on that one. I don't think God has any pets but apparently has supplied us with any pet of our choosing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by OctoberRust (Post 19476999)
I'll come up with more criteria for this imaginary friend to meet later, for now I hope my religious buddies and non-religious buddies here can help me concoct a new and improved religion! We can even maybe find ways to make a good amount of money off this, and of course since it's a religion, we'll be able to hide behind that "churches aren't taxed" stuff. :supergrin: Let the ideas begin!

PS - and NO flying spaghetti monster!

Your religion is your own. God does not care what you call it. Thought I'd take a shot at this one. Fun thread.

AlexHassin 10-02-2012 08:53

how about a hot Asian goddess that rides a bear.
into battle against the lame gods.
who she takes on with a battle ax.

Japle 10-02-2012 12:34

The goddess ATAR is 7 feet tall and built like Bo Derek at her best, but with a dark tan and Asian features.

She can instantly create any weapon she wants and is an expert with all of them.

Her heaven is Hawaii 1,000 years ago, with an enormous arms room (think, The Matrix) and a 2,000 yd range to play on.

She wants you to enjoy yourself and is eager to help in any way you can think of.

Her pet is a well-trained 150 lb honey badger named “Sweetness”.

Sarge1400 10-02-2012 13:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by Japle (Post 19477913)
The goddess ATAR is 7 feet tall and built like Bo Derek at her best, but with a dark tan and Asian features.

She can instantly create any weapon she wants and is an expert with all of them.

Her heaven is Hawaii 1,000 years ago, with an enormous arms room (think, The Matrix) and a 2,000 yd range to play on.

She wants you to enjoy yourself and is eager to help in any way you can think of.

Her pet is a well-trained 150 lb honey badger named “Sweetness”.

Cool story, bro.:rofl:

OctoberRust 10-02-2012 16:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlexHassin (Post 19477312)
how about a hot Asian goddess that rides a bear.
into battle against the lame gods.
who she takes on with a battle ax.


I like this imaginary friend the best.


....Now, how can we market this to the masses, and somehow twist the story around to make me look like a Martyr? I'll claim to be the son of her, or? :dunno:

High-Gear 10-02-2012 17:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arc Angel (Post 19477286)
Say, just out of curiosity, how much computer time does the sanitarium allow you each week? :freak:

Are you looking to transfer?

Sarge1400 10-02-2012 20:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by High-Gear (Post 19478767)
Are you looking to transfer?

Laughed right out loud at that!:rofl::rofl::thumbsup:

AlexHassin 10-02-2012 20:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by OctoberRust (Post 19478627)
I like this imaginary friend the best.


....Now, how can we market this to the masses, and somehow twist the story around to make me look like a Martyr? I'll claim to be the son of her, or? :dunno:

how about you where created when some of her blood spilled onto a virgin woman and got her pregnant?

OctoberRust 10-03-2012 06:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlexHassin (Post 19479350)
how about you where created when some of her blood spilled onto a virgin woman and got her pregnant?


I like this story! I think you're onto something also.....

It's very marketable, I think if we encourage wine drinking, and say it's my blood, and the crackers are my bones people will gobble this crap up! :supergrin:


Now, what should I make myself look like? Since I live down in Texas, I'm thinking sandals at a minimum........ :whistling:

OctoberRust 10-03-2012 06:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by Japle (Post 19477913)
The goddess ATAR is 7 feet tall and built like Bo Derek at her best, but with a dark tan and Asian features.

She can instantly create any weapon she wants and is an expert with all of them.

Her heaven is Hawaii 1,000 years ago, with an enormous arms room (think, The Matrix) and a 2,000 yd range to play on.

She wants you to enjoy yourself and is eager to help in any way you can think of.

Her pet is a well-trained 150 lb honey badger named “Sweetness”.


I don't know how I skipped this one. This is a pretty doable religion too!

I'm digging the honey badger! I think most would. I just hope it doesn't go out of style 2,000 years from now after I die as a martyr. I think the honeybadger will still be cool after all those years. And if not, we all know, honeybadger don't care :supergrin:

Altaris 10-03-2012 08:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlexHassin (Post 19477312)
how about a hot Asian goddess that rides a bear.
into battle against the lame gods.
who she takes on with a battle ax.


While she rides the bear, all of her angles ride baby elephants

http://womenridingworld.com/wp-conte...hant+asian.jpg

snowbird 10-03-2012 08:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arc Angel (Post 19477286)
Say, just out of curiosity, how much computer time does the sanitarium allow you each week? :freak:

Too much, evidently.

Corrosion's 'religion' is very common and corrupt. It's called hedonism, a branch of materialism. His "tons of guns and tech toys for me to play with", "sex", "drinking", and "Rottweiler, German Shepherd, Dobermann" all cost plenty of pesos. But in this world, Lucifer's world, it is as common as dirt for people to sell their souls for sex, drugs, or the almighty dollar, and to have fun spitting at messengers of God, who quite likely have little material wealth.

As Solomon wrote (Proverbs 17:5), "Whoso mocketh the poor reproacheth his maker". This sort of thing has gone on for thousands of years, with predictable outcomes: (2 Chronicles 36:16), "But they mocked the messengers of God, and despised his words, and misused his prophets, until the wrath of the Lord arose against his people, till there was no remedy".

America has far too many hedonistic mockers these latter days and is sinking rapidly as a result. All who have ears to hear, take a stand against evil for the love of God.

Altaris 10-03-2012 09:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by snowbird (Post 19480515)
T

America has far too many hedonistic mockers these latter days and is sinking rapidly as a result. All who have ears to hear, take a stand against evil for the love of God.

Exactly what we are trying to do, fight evil. That is why the hot Asian rides a bear and wields a battle axe. That is also why we need guns and dogs. All to fight evil. The drinking and sex get us prepared and in the right mind set to fight off the evil.

Glock36shooter 10-03-2012 09:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlexHassin (Post 19477312)
how about a hot Asian goddess that rides a bear.
into battle against the lame gods.
who she takes on with a battle ax.

Asian Goddess... GIANT Sabertoothed White Tiger with a laser cannon on its head... Light Saber.

DONE

Glock36shooter 10-03-2012 09:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by snowbird (Post 19480515)
America has far too many hedonistic mockers these latter days


I toooooooooooold you. 100 years and your religion is going to be like greek mythology. People simply won't be able to believe that man ever considered such nonsense.

Altaris 10-03-2012 09:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlexHassin (Post 19477312)
how about a hot Asian goddess that rides a bear.
into battle against the lame gods.
who she takes on with a battle ax.


I found it!
Here is the Bear that our Asian G_ddess rides into battle!

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lt...fsnio1_500.jpg

Sharkey 10-03-2012 09:33

Just be your own god, that is what most people want. Maybe you'll find happiness, maybe not.

Me, I'll continue to believe in the "mythology" of a personal relationship with the Savior. Surprisingly with such crack pop thinking. I've been able to do my job for 22 years, been married going on 10, and never been to a mental institution. Crazy, I know......

I must admit, I do have a fondness for hot Asian females or Meskins or Caucasian, or Blacks...... Why must we play the race card with our mythical god and come on, a female god? Please.

OctoberRust 10-03-2012 12:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by snowbird (Post 19480515)
Too much, evidently.

Corrosion's 'religion' is very common and corrupt. It's called hedonism, a branch of materialism. His "tons of guns and tech toys for me to play with", "sex", "drinking", and "Rottweiler, German Shepherd, Dobermann" all cost plenty of pesos. But in this world, Lucifer's world, it is as common as dirt for people to sell their souls for sex, drugs, or the almighty dollar, and to have fun spitting at messengers of God, who quite likely have little material wealth.

As Solomon wrote (Proverbs 17:5), "Whoso mocketh the poor reproacheth his maker". This sort of thing has gone on for thousands of years, with predictable outcomes: (2 Chronicles 36:16), "But they mocked the messengers of God, and despised his words, and misused his prophets, until the wrath of the Lord arose against his people, till there was no remedy".

America has far too many hedonistic mockers these latter days and is sinking rapidly as a result. All who have ears to hear, take a stand against evil for the love of God.


Ah! I see you like to quote the bible too.

Here, let me quote some from the real bible, the bible of Odin!

"All those who oppose us, we shall crush their skulls in, and drink mead from it!" - Odin

or do you prefer christian mythology?

"If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." Matthew 5:29

Yes dude! Body mutilation rocks! I'll start cutting some of my body parts off so I can make it into heaven...

....Wait, how is that supposed to....... nevermind..... I'll just go with the hot asian chick on the tiger with laser beams off their forehead n stuff. It's a cooler story that doesn't try to encourage me to mutilate myself.

I still think Odin could beat up Jesus and his father though.

http://i.qkme.me/2rcc.jpg

OctoberRust 10-03-2012 12:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sharkey (Post 19480641)
Just be your own god, that is what most people want. Maybe you'll find happiness, maybe not.

Me, I'll continue to believe in the "mythology" of a personal relationship with the Savior. Surprisingly with such crack pop thinking. I've been able to do my job for 22 years, been married going on 10, and never been to a mental institution. Crazy, I know......

I must admit, I do have a fondness for hot Asian females or Meskins or Caucasian, or Blacks...... Why must we play the race card with our mythical god and come on, a female god? Please.

Race card? No race card here. I find brown girls such as messican, asian, or middle eastern more attractive than others. It's just my preference, and since we're coming up with an imaginary friend for ME that is why that was in my curriculum. If you want an imaginary friend, you can have yours any color or gender you prefer. No harm, no fowl. :cool:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altaris (Post 19480534)
Exactly what we are trying to do, fight evil. That is why the hot Asian rides a bear and wields a battle axe. That is also why we need guns and dogs. All to fight evil. The drinking and sex get us prepared and in the right mind set to fight off the evil.



I like the way you think sir! Good justification of our religion.

Now..... What should we call it? It needs a name that lets everyone know, we don't take $#^$ from anyone!

Glock36shooter 10-03-2012 12:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sharkey (Post 19480641)
Why must we play the race card with our mythical god

That's funny since so many American Christians think that Jesus... a middle eastern jew looks like this...
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tWFc0gPJc9...00/jesus20.jpg

I have to admit... he's got awesome highlights.

OctoberRust 10-03-2012 13:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by Glock36shooter (Post 19481231)
That's funny since so many American Christians think that Jesus... a middle eastern jew looks like this...
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tWFc0gPJc9...00/jesus20.jpg

I have to admit... he's got awesome highlights.


Some are afraid of worshiping humans of different "color".

I don't see the big deal, I've worshiped plenty of humans, that were of darker shades than my pale ass, that is of course if you count dominatrixes as goddess. I mean, they made me call them "Goddess". :dunno::rofl::supergrin:

Glock36shooter 10-03-2012 14:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by OctoberRust (Post 19481339)
Some are afraid of worshiping humans of different "color".

I don't see the big deal, I've worshiped plenty of humans, that were of darker shades than my pale ass, that is of course if you count dominatrixes as goddess. I mean, they made me call them "Goddess". :dunno::rofl::supergrin:

Jesus looks like a chick with a beard in that pic. Makes you wonder what type of "Personal Relationship" the artist imagines having with the Christ Character.


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