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-   -   Why We Miss Rodney Dangerfield........... (http://glocktalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1456283)

robin303 12-05-2012 18:39

Why We Miss Rodney Dangerfield...........
 
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'

I knew a girl so ugly... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night.

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

Travelin' Jack 12-05-2012 18:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by robin303 (Post 19704302)
My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Gray_Rider 12-05-2012 22:55

A classic of a guy and a great comedian. We've all been there. That's what made his jokes about himself so funny. You are missed Rodney.

Gray_Rider

2-8 Marine 12-06-2012 09:23

I was so ugly as a child my Mother used to tie meat around my neck so the dogs would play with me . . .
I went to a really tough high school, it was so tough the school paper had an obituary column . . .
Ya had to love Rodney.

SCmasterblaster 12-09-2012 10:53

Time an egg - I miss RD.

Glockgeezer 12-09-2012 10:59

We were so poor my mother cut the pockets out of my jeans so I had something to play with.

SCmasterblaster 12-09-2012 13:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by Glockgeezer (Post 19716316)
We were so poor my mother cut the pockets out of my jeans so I had something to play with.

Heh heh heh heh heh!

LASTRESORT20 12-09-2012 13:42

Rodney had Magic!........ I miss him.....Always enjoyed his performances.

F350 12-09-2012 14:58

Is there a "comic" today that could get a laugh without profanity (other than the Redneck guys)?

TK-421 12-09-2012 15:45

Rodney was awesome, I loved him. Back to School was hilarious, as was Caddyshack.

ca survivor 12-09-2012 15:49

:rofl::rofl:

SCmasterblaster 12-13-2012 11:42

From Rodney: "I'm more tired than a pair of jumper cables at a Tijuana funeral!"

JuneyBooney 12-14-2012 03:12

He was right on the money all the time. Back to school was hilarious. :supergrin:

jockomikey 12-14-2012 03:30

Watched "Easy Money" On Netflix a couple of weeks ago. So funny...


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