Ok, I'll eat the poop now.
I called customer service. It shipped out Friday (3 weeks and 1 day from the date they received it) and I should have it back tomorrow afternoon. They replaced my main problem. They also replaced (on their own) the entire slide, main spring, guide rod, buffer, front site, rear site bridge, and a couple of other things.
I shall now be silent LOL
"Fast is fine. But accuracy is final."
"He'd look better with lividity" - BlueIron
Black Rifle Club - RRA-PSG
S&W Club - 22227