The problem seems to be that many of the loading books have been watered down to the point of the cartridge not reaching full potential. That's not true of all of them (Hornady's new manual is pretty hot), but some (Lyman) are EXTREMELY conservative. Look up some 10mm loads for 800-X if you don't believe this. Do you see how the book maxes out at 30,000psi for 800-X? Well the 10mm has a 37,500psi ceiling.
I'm not saying some of us don't do stupid stuff, and I agree with you that it's almost like a sickness exclusive to 10mm. With .45ACP, I don't go over book at all. With 10mm, however, I have. I think it's just because everyone that loads for 10mm is looking for performance, not just paper killing, easy recoiling stuff. If you just want light recoil target stuff, you have no business with a 10mm. However, if you are seeking performance, you buy a 10mm. And in the same vein, if you are seeking performance, you push the limits.
I know we do some dangerous stuff, but it's not like 3 out of every 5 of us are missing fingers. We are very careful about working stuff up slowly, checking for expansion, etc. Every once in a while an accident happens, but I doubt it happens more frequently among us than it does among the general gun shooting group.