Thanks RLB, I miss her more than some people I've lost. They love you from the first day until the last, always happy to see you even after you've disciplined them etc. I can't remember the quote exactly: I wish I could be the person my dog thinks I am... something along those line anyway. I knew the day would come eventually, selfishly I was hoping later than sooner but not at the expense and quality of life for a valued member of our family. Now after a few weeks I can look back and see how immobile she had become, how much pain she must have been in before the end became apparent. They could have tried a surgery but were no guarantees on what they could do and at that point we were not sure she'd survive. Having gone thru this with family members and watched them suffer thru tubes and hoses and still end up dying just with a lot less dignity. I didn't want my dog to die on the table and not us be able to say good bye. I wanted her to know we were the ones trying to make it better for her. My daughter at her head and me around her when it was done it was us, no strangers other than one girl for the injections. I just hope that her last minutes with all of us is what she remembers and how much love we had to give her for all those years.
I can deal with the worst people society has to offer and I don't think I'd loose a bit a sleep over them but here thinking about my dog in it's little wood box turns me into blubbering idiot.
Thanks for the support from all. I know it gets easier as time goes on but it's going to take a long time.