The Pope in Australia
On his recent tour of Australia, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary to visit the wild outdoors of northern Australia on an impromptu safari. Deep into the bush, his 4X4 Pope-mobile, was driving alongside a river when there was an enormous commotion heard up ahead. They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene the Pope noticed in the river, a hapless man wearing a New Zealand football top, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a twenty foot crocodile.
At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing green & gold football tops roared into view from around a bend in the river. Spontaneously, one of the men took aim and fired a harpoon into the croc's ribs, immobilising it instantly. The other two reached and pulled the Kiwi from the river and using long clubs beat the croc to death. They bundled the bleeding, semi conscious man into the speed boat along with the dead croc and then prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic shouting from the shore.
It was of course the Pope, and he summoned them to the river bank. Upon them reaching the shore the Pope went into raptures about the rescue and said: "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard there were some racist xenophobic people trying to divide Australia & New Zealand, but, now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can see your society is a truly enlightened example of racial harmony and could serve as a model on which other nations could follow."
He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust.
As he departed, the harpoonist asked the others: 'Who was that???!"
"That," one answered, "was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all God's wisdom."
Well," the harpoonist replied, "He knows **** about croc hunting! How's that bait holding up or do we need to get another one?"
"What the hell good is a military if it never gets used?... GIs need some good blooding... I got two noches on the stock of my M16A2... Soldiers need to be blooded so that they have affirmations that their training and conditioning work..and to boost their esteem and belief in their cause... any soldier worth his salt would relish the idea of getting down and dirty with his enemy... " Keyboard Commando, 2002