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Old 04-28-2008, 22:41   #1
ReyFufuRulesAll
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The Shooter

Written by me

http://reyfufurulesall.deviantart.co...ooter-61913437

The Shooter

i open the case, my rifle inside
Twenty rounds, semi-automatic.
I load them ten at a time, slide them in with ease
I see my targets, level the crosshairs.
magnified by four.

Breath stops to steady the sights.
On the exhale, I hear my hearbeats.
Squeeze, not pull. Don't expect the recoil.
And so it goes, the lever is pulled.
The reaction begins with a person.

Inside, the lever trips, kinetic energy moves the pin forward.
Striking center, the brass indents show.
miniature explosion sets up a flash fire.
Pressure builds.

Release comes by way of movement.
The lead and copper, 7.60 milllimeters thick.
the shape shifts, the gasses follow.
As they travel through the tube, the bullet spins.
The friction causes this; the effect, a straight path.

Nearing the end, some gasses defect to a new tube, this one leading to a rod.
They push against the rod, sliding it backwards against its spring.
Finally they escape through the release valve at the end of this tube.
Pressure is lost, the steel returns to its former position.
A new round is chambered.

Meanwhile, the bullet and remaining gasses leave the barrel.
The brake does its job as some gasses defect upwards.
THis equalizes the force of the barrel, which now hops less.
The bullet, now free, travels downrange.
Open air for now.

The target grows near, not expecting.
The conical tip pierces the surface.
Passing through the pulp, ripping it to shreds.
Exits. Damage done.
Loosely hangs the target, not moving.

Millions of time this is repeated.
Maybe even someone you know.
I have been involved more times than I can count.
I am the shooter.
Yet I have never killed a person.

Paper targets.
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Old 04-29-2008, 14:24   #2
Scarecrow28
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Good job. I, personally, didn't like the rather unexpected ending, as I had originally interpreted this as a combat-oriented piece. But if this was your intention, that is fine. The description was fairly good and I liked the style of it. The fluidity of the piece needs a minor amount of work, but it was otherwise good. Keep writing!

PS: What do you think of deviantart? I've been considering joining, but wasn't sure if it was truly worth it?
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Old 04-29-2008, 14:47   #3
Beware Owner
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I like the personification of paper as an unexpecting victim. I'd work more on the metric and rhythm, but it's very graphic. You paint the picture well.
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Old 04-29-2008, 16:08   #4
ReyFufuRulesAll
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beware Owner View Post
I like the personification of paper as an unexpecting victim. I'd work more on the metric and rhythm, but it's very graphic. You paint the picture well.
Thank you.
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Old 04-29-2008, 16:10   #5
ReyFufuRulesAll
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scarecrow28 View Post
Good job. I, personally, didn't like the rather unexpected ending, as I had originally interpreted this as a combat-oriented piece. But if this was your intention, that is fine. The description was fairly good and I liked the style of it. The fluidity of the piece needs a minor amount of work, but it was otherwise good. Keep writing!

PS: What do you think of deviantart? I've been considering joining, but wasn't sure if it was truly worth it?
That was the intent of the piece, and thank you for the hint; i'll work on that more.

About dA, I like it a LOT, but it's easy to get lost in the crowd... which I guess isn't that bad. If you do join though, please PM me your home page
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Old 05-03-2008, 13:06   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ReyFufuRulesAll View Post
That was the intent of the piece, and thank you for the hint; i'll work on that more.

About dA, I like it a LOT, but it's easy to get lost in the crowd... which I guess isn't that bad. If you do join though, please PM me your home page
I'm still a little uneasy about joining. I love sharing my work with others and seeing what they think of it, but I'm a little afraid of people stealing my work. I know its happened before on dA, so I'm not sure. I may just wait a little while until I can get a copyright or just post stuff that I wouldn't care if people stole. Not sure yet, but when I do join, I'll send you my homepage.
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