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Old 10-02-2012, 06:57   #1
OctoberRust
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More of a religious issue so I'll post it here.

Hey guys! I've noticed some of the religious folk seem REALLY happy!

So, I've decided to go shopping for an imaginary friend. I want one that is kool with me taking days off, but you know, I'll talk and hang out with him on maybe one day a week, not sunday though, that's too cliche'. Read below for the prerequisites of features this god must have before recommending me an imaginary friend/god/whatever you guys want to call it.

1. Must be big, burly, and ready to kick butt! If this god is not male, and is female, she must be HOT! Preferably a brownish female IE middle eastern, hispanic, asian, etc. She must still be kool though, and know how to use tons of weapons and fight like a man, while maintaining the beauties and femininity of a woman.

2. The heaven has to be cool, roomy, and tons of guns and tech toys for me to play with. If I'm going to take the time out of my life and dedicate one day to this imaginary friend, I want my return on investment to be GOOD.

3. No lame rules, and fear mongering, unless it's on those "non-believers". Then by all means! Lame rules consist of, but are not limited to "no sex before marriage, no polygamy, no drinking, no bad words, etc etc"

4. The god or goddess needs a pet. Like an awesome fierce looking pet. I would say a wolf, but that was fenrir in Norse mythology, and I'm afraid they'd sue me. So maybe like a dog...... The dog needs to be a breed that doesn't take crap from anybody! So maybe a Rottweiler, Germanshepherd, dobermann, etc etc......




I'll come up with more criteria for this imaginary friend to meet later, for now I hope my religious buddies and non-religious buddies here can help me concoct a new and improved religion! We can even maybe find ways to make a good amount of money off this, and of course since it's a religion, we'll be able to hide behind that "churches aren't taxed" stuff. Let the ideas begin!

PS - and NO flying spaghetti monster!

Last edited by OctoberRust; 10-02-2012 at 06:59..
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Old 10-02-2012, 08:03   #2
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Old 10-02-2012, 08:47   #3
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Say, just out of curiosity, how much computer time does the sanitarium allow you each week?
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Old 10-02-2012, 08:48   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OctoberRust View Post
Hey guys! I've noticed some of the religious folk seem REALLY happy!
Some are and some are not.
A lot of religious people hate this world and are just waiting for the next. Not a good way to happiness now.
I am with you. I prefer happiness now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by OctoberRust View Post
So, I've decided to go shopping for an imaginary friend. I want one that is kool with me taking days off, but you know, I'll talk and hang out with him on maybe one day a week, not sunday though, that's too cliche'. Read below for the prerequisites of features this god must have before recommending me an imaginary friend/god/whatever you guys want to call it.
God is omnipresent or everywhere at all times.
God is ok with you not acknowledging it's prescience at anytime.

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Originally Posted by OctoberRust View Post
1. Must be big, burly, and ready to kick butt! If this god is not male, and is female, she must be HOT! Preferably a brownish female IE middle eastern, hispanic, asian, etc. She must still be kool though, and know how to use tons of weapons and fight like a man, while maintaining the beauties and femininity of a woman.
God is spirit and really has no form. The presence will always be there for you though and never leaves so in any situation it fits the bill, he, she, big burly, hot........God is there.

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2. The heaven has to be cool, roomy, and tons of guns and tech toys for me to play with. If I'm going to take the time out of my life and dedicate one day to this imaginary friend, I want my return on investment to be GOOD.
Don't think of heaven as being future. Think of heaven as being in the now, as part of life now. Metaphysical. Again always present. So in this heaven, what you are looking at is what you get. Make the best of it.

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3. No lame rules, and fear mongering, unless it's on those "non-believers". Then by all means! Lame rules consist of, but are not limited to "no sex before marriage, no polygamy, no drinking, no bad words, etc etc"
The only rule is love. Love while you do all things.
Are you filled with hate for something? God is there to help you heal yourself. Hate only hurts the hater, that is why it is to be overcome in your life.

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4. The god or goddess needs a pet. Like an awesome fierce looking pet. I would say a wolf, but that was fenrir in Norse mythology, and I'm afraid they'd sue me. So maybe like a dog...... The dog needs to be a breed that doesn't take crap from anybody! So maybe a Rottweiler, Germanshepherd, dobermann, etc etc......
You got me on that one. I don't think God has any pets but apparently has supplied us with any pet of our choosing.

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I'll come up with more criteria for this imaginary friend to meet later, for now I hope my religious buddies and non-religious buddies here can help me concoct a new and improved religion! We can even maybe find ways to make a good amount of money off this, and of course since it's a religion, we'll be able to hide behind that "churches aren't taxed" stuff. Let the ideas begin!

PS - and NO flying spaghetti monster!
Your religion is your own. God does not care what you call it. Thought I'd take a shot at this one. Fun thread.
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Old 10-02-2012, 08:53   #5
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how about a hot Asian goddess that rides a bear.
into battle against the lame gods.
who she takes on with a battle ax.
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Old 10-02-2012, 12:34   #6
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The goddess ATAR is 7 feet tall and built like Bo Derek at her best, but with a dark tan and Asian features.

She can instantly create any weapon she wants and is an expert with all of them.

Her heaven is Hawaii 1,000 years ago, with an enormous arms room (think, The Matrix) and a 2,000 yd range to play on.

She wants you to enjoy yourself and is eager to help in any way you can think of.

Her pet is a well-trained 150 lb honey badger named “Sweetness”.
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Old 10-02-2012, 13:34   #7
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Originally Posted by Japle View Post
The goddess ATAR is 7 feet tall and built like Bo Derek at her best, but with a dark tan and Asian features.

She can instantly create any weapon she wants and is an expert with all of them.

Her heaven is Hawaii 1,000 years ago, with an enormous arms room (think, The Matrix) and a 2,000 yd range to play on.

She wants you to enjoy yourself and is eager to help in any way you can think of.

Her pet is a well-trained 150 lb honey badger named “Sweetness”.
Cool story, bro.
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Old 10-02-2012, 16:54   #8
OctoberRust
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Originally Posted by AlexHassin View Post
how about a hot Asian goddess that rides a bear.
into battle against the lame gods.
who she takes on with a battle ax.

I like this imaginary friend the best.


....Now, how can we market this to the masses, and somehow twist the story around to make me look like a Martyr? I'll claim to be the son of her, or?
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Old 10-02-2012, 17:41   #9
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Say, just out of curiosity, how much computer time does the sanitarium allow you each week?
Are you looking to transfer?
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Old 10-02-2012, 20:30   #10
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Are you looking to transfer?
Laughed right out loud at that!
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Old 10-02-2012, 20:39   #11
AlexHassin
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Originally Posted by OctoberRust View Post
I like this imaginary friend the best.


....Now, how can we market this to the masses, and somehow twist the story around to make me look like a Martyr? I'll claim to be the son of her, or?
how about you where created when some of her blood spilled onto a virgin woman and got her pregnant?
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Old 10-03-2012, 06:21   #12
OctoberRust
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how about you where created when some of her blood spilled onto a virgin woman and got her pregnant?

I like this story! I think you're onto something also.....

It's very marketable, I think if we encourage wine drinking, and say it's my blood, and the crackers are my bones people will gobble this crap up!


Now, what should I make myself look like? Since I live down in Texas, I'm thinking sandals at a minimum........
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Old 10-03-2012, 06:25   #13
OctoberRust
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Japle View Post
The goddess ATAR is 7 feet tall and built like Bo Derek at her best, but with a dark tan and Asian features.

She can instantly create any weapon she wants and is an expert with all of them.

Her heaven is Hawaii 1,000 years ago, with an enormous arms room (think, The Matrix) and a 2,000 yd range to play on.

She wants you to enjoy yourself and is eager to help in any way you can think of.

Her pet is a well-trained 150 lb honey badger named “Sweetness”.

I don't know how I skipped this one. This is a pretty doable religion too!

I'm digging the honey badger! I think most would. I just hope it doesn't go out of style 2,000 years from now after I die as a martyr. I think the honeybadger will still be cool after all those years. And if not, we all know, honeybadger don't care
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Old 10-03-2012, 08:49   #14
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Originally Posted by AlexHassin View Post
how about a hot Asian goddess that rides a bear.
into battle against the lame gods.
who she takes on with a battle ax.

While she rides the bear, all of her angles ride baby elephants

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Old 10-03-2012, 08:59   #15
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Say, just out of curiosity, how much computer time does the sanitarium allow you each week?
Too much, evidently.

Corrosion's 'religion' is very common and corrupt. It's called hedonism, a branch of materialism. His "tons of guns and tech toys for me to play with", "sex", "drinking", and "Rottweiler, German Shepherd, Dobermann" all cost plenty of pesos. But in this world, Lucifer's world, it is as common as dirt for people to sell their souls for sex, drugs, or the almighty dollar, and to have fun spitting at messengers of God, who quite likely have little material wealth.

As Solomon wrote (Proverbs 17:5), "Whoso mocketh the poor reproacheth his maker". This sort of thing has gone on for thousands of years, with predictable outcomes: (2 Chronicles 36:16), "But they mocked the messengers of God, and despised his words, and misused his prophets, until the wrath of the Lord arose against his people, till there was no remedy".

America has far too many hedonistic mockers these latter days and is sinking rapidly as a result. All who have ears to hear, take a stand against evil for the love of God.
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Last edited by snowbird; 10-03-2012 at 09:02..
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Old 10-03-2012, 09:06   #16
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T

America has far too many hedonistic mockers these latter days and is sinking rapidly as a result. All who have ears to hear, take a stand against evil for the love of God.
Exactly what we are trying to do, fight evil. That is why the hot Asian rides a bear and wields a battle axe. That is also why we need guns and dogs. All to fight evil. The drinking and sex get us prepared and in the right mind set to fight off the evil.
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Old 10-03-2012, 09:11   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlexHassin View Post
how about a hot Asian goddess that rides a bear.
into battle against the lame gods.
who she takes on with a battle ax.
Asian Goddess... GIANT Sabertoothed White Tiger with a laser cannon on its head... Light Saber.

DONE

Last edited by Glock36shooter; 10-03-2012 at 09:12..
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Old 10-03-2012, 09:14   #18
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America has far too many hedonistic mockers these latter days

I toooooooooooold you. 100 years and your religion is going to be like greek mythology. People simply won't be able to believe that man ever considered such nonsense.
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Old 10-03-2012, 09:23   #19
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Originally Posted by AlexHassin View Post
how about a hot Asian goddess that rides a bear.
into battle against the lame gods.
who she takes on with a battle ax.

I found it!
Here is the Bear that our Asian G_ddess rides into battle!

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Old 10-03-2012, 09:33   #20
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Just be your own god, that is what most people want. Maybe you'll find happiness, maybe not.

Me, I'll continue to believe in the "mythology" of a personal relationship with the Savior. Surprisingly with such crack pop thinking. I've been able to do my job for 22 years, been married going on 10, and never been to a mental institution. Crazy, I know......

I must admit, I do have a fondness for hot Asian females or Meskins or Caucasian, or Blacks...... Why must we play the race card with our mythical god and come on, a female god? Please.
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