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Old 10-20-2012, 07:56   #251
JD_19x9
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Tough break...

To the curb she goes... You will never be able to trust her again
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Old 10-20-2012, 08:01   #252
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I take it Thanksgiving dinner with the family is off?


There is probably nothing that hurts worse than cheating. Trust and respect both, out the window.
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Old 10-20-2012, 08:06   #253
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<<<< divorced

Since you asked for opinions

This . .

Quote:
Originally Posted by tsmo1066 View Post
......
Your BIL is a serial cheater who clearly has eyes for your wife, and it is equally obvious that she is attracted to him on some level and can be 'persuaded' by his BS under the right circumstances. If you stay with your wife and your sister stays with your BIL, this situation has a very high probability of repeating itself.
and this


Quote:
Originally Posted by ChuteTheMall View Post
No matter what, you need your own lawyer to look after your own interests.
I doubt the "deal" you made using the house as a hostage to fidelity would even stand up in divorce court. Depending on the laws of the State, it might be a 50/50 split of assets no matter what you "agreed" to.

Most sorry for your grief.

It took me years to recover from the loss of trust. Probably never did because I remain single today.
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Old 10-20-2012, 08:10   #254
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Originally Posted by sheriff733 View Post
Pack her ****. It's only downhill from here.

If they'll do it once, they'll do it again, and I personally won't stand for it.

You're always going to question her from here on out. If she feels lonely now, wait til you're gone for good. If she needs attention from someone else, then she can have at it.

Get a divorce lawyer. I am a strong believer that there is no fix for this behavior.

What would you tell your younger brother going through your situation?
This is your answer. They WILL do it again. Avoid confrontation with brother in law. Not worth it. I went thru 14 years of this crap with my first wife. You cannot change them with counseling either. In society, murder is one of the worst actions you can commit. In a marriage, infidelity is the worst action you can commit. If you let her slide......she got away with murder. Pick up what I'm putting down? All that stuff about being lonely, and not giving enough attention is bull****. If you really love someone, and dedicate your life to them, you would never even think about hurting them like this. I'm really sorry for this happening too you.
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Old 10-20-2012, 08:11   #255
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You want advice? Get even. Enjoy it.
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Old 10-20-2012, 08:17   #256
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I'd call a quits. That's me though. She blamed it on your work schedule, and didn't take full blame for her own actions. That should tell you a lot about her, and the way she views the relationship. If you want to save it, maybe you can eventually regain the trust?
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Old 10-20-2012, 08:47   #257
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Love is a powerful thing. Ive a family member whos wife ran off on several excursions in the course of their marriage. He always happily took her back. They made it 49 yrs and 9 months and she moved in with the neighbor. The man went to his grave still loving her. She? Who knows, says she totally regrets it.

I've a friend in life who would swear I was playing poker with him when the BIL got both his arms broke by a bat. Id recommend everyone have such a buddy.

Something humbling about someone else having to wipe your butt. Just saying...
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Old 10-20-2012, 08:49   #258
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Quote:
The man went to his grave still loving her. She? Who knows, says she totally regrets it.
Common story here though her saying she regrets hurting him like that is probably a lie.
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Old 10-20-2012, 08:58   #259
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Seale Team View Post
Love is a powerful thing. Ive a family member whos wife ran off on several excursions in the course of their marriage. He always happily took her back. They made it 49 yrs and 9 months and she moved in with the neighbor. The man went to his grave still loving her. She? Who knows, says she totally regrets it.

I've a friend in life who would swear I was playing poker with him when the BIL got both his arms broke by a bat. Id recommend everyone have such a buddy.

Something humbling about someone else having to wipe your butt. Just saying...
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Old 10-20-2012, 08:59   #260
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Been there, done that....Took her back after the first one cause I was stupid, finally got out after the third or fourth...She is lying to you about the no sex part, I guarantee it and if you don't kick her to the curb then she will never look at you with respect again....and on some level you wouldn't be respecting yourself either.
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Old 10-20-2012, 09:12   #261
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I was married once and worked all the time to provide everything she could ever need and one day she told me she wasn't happy and needed her space, although I was gone a lot because of work. She said maybe it would be best if I wasn't in the picture so I gave her some space, only to find out a few months later than she had be sleeping with her (rich) boss.

I can look past a persons flaws, but cheating isn't tolerated at all. Looking back, I'm glad it happened, even though it was difficult emotionally and I spent a fortune on her.

I had plans of working our marriage out, but once I found out that she couldn't be trusted, it was over. I'm not saying your marriage cannot be fixed, but trust, once it is broken is never really fully restored.
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Old 10-20-2012, 09:19   #262
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Why dont you grow a set and kick the broad to the curb......and remember,shes probley done this before and will do it again! Or just bang her sister
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Old 10-20-2012, 11:27   #263
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Originally Posted by hpracing007 View Post
I would act like all is well while making preparations. Anything is fair game at this point.
I haven't read many of the post yet, but this is likely the best advice given. Smart man, never show all your cards.
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Old 10-20-2012, 11:48   #264
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eruby View Post
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Sorry, but get a divorce lawyer asap.

Sorry for your misery.
What? You didn't get the memo that a blow job isn't considered cheating? :D

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Old 10-20-2012, 11:56   #265
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Quote:
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She has agreed to go to a lawyer and we will both agree that if either one of us cheats, our house will be given to the other free and clear. If I do it equally, we can use the same lawyer....if I made it one sided, then we would have needed seperate lawyers. My sister has already talked to a lawyer and this is what he said can be done and it is usually "air tight"

...................any opinions
Some states do not recognize Post-Nup agreements of that nature. Make sure it is legally enforceable.

As previously mentioned, the house in only small potatoes. What about your social security, pension, 401K, savings and other tangible property.
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Old 10-20-2012, 12:19   #266
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Quote:
Originally Posted by damnyankee20 View Post
I'll tell ya, I've been thru something similar, we have three kids, none of which are teenagers yet.

At first, she was unsympathetic but as time went on (I was numb for 2 years), she realized how deeply she hurt me. I would cry in front of her. And, when she saw how deeply I loved her, she too, started to cry and feel guilty. It took a many long months to heal and not look at her as a f'ing cheater, but her love for me healed TOGETHER.

We would cry on each other's shoulders, told each other how much we loved each other, forgave each other for not tuning in to each other, and we renewed our vows. It took nearly two years for me to look at her and not see her as a cheater BUT, those thoughts will go away. Trust me. We also made a mutual decision to start living for our kids and becoming active parents in Scouts, band, and sports. And, we started going to church regularly...and we learned (and were inspired) by the people in the Bible who suffered far worse situations than an affair - and these people not only got thru their situation, but came out on top.

Two years later, our marriage is on a new level. I worship her and she worships me. Literally. We are inseparable and truly enjoy each other's company. Her cheating actually took our relationship to a higher level because we realized first hand how easily trust, love, marriage, and family could be destroyed in one evening. And, we both realized how Selfishness could destroy everyone around us, particularly our children.

Whether you stay together is up to you: anger, bitterness, hostile words will only drive both of you away. If you two truly care about each other, then start being attentive to each other with all the love and understanding within you. And most of all, Forgiveness from both of you will make you both of you feel better about yourselves and your marriage, and in fact will strengthen your marriage. In a few years, you'll both realize it was a traumatic event and both of you got thru it together.

There was a time where the two of you were crazy about each other. Those feelings are still inside both of you...you two have to dig down deep and bring it back out. If you follow the path my wife and I did, your marriage will not only survive, you will want to be together for all eternity. Getting thru the hurt and rebuilding that trust sucks...but it's well worth it!

As my parents used to tell me: Father Time heals all wounds. So think carefully before you put your child into a situation where she's growing up without both parents.
Awesome post!
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Old 10-20-2012, 12:22   #267
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Lawyer up and quietly start separating accounts. Although, my cousin had an affair and they got counseling and they are still together 20 yrs later. Nah, lawyer up.
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Old 10-20-2012, 13:17   #268
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Originally Posted by Naelbis View Post
Been there, done that....Took her back after the first one cause I was stupid, finally got out after the third or fourth...She is lying to you about the no sex part, I guarantee it and if you don't kick her to the curb then she will never look at you with respect again....and on some level you wouldn't be respecting yourself either.
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I do tend to agree with the no sex part. They probably went "around the world" if you get my drift. If she drinks she is an open target.
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Old 10-20-2012, 14:26   #269
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Prayer works!! If you can find it in you to trust her after this you can probably salvage your marriage to this woman. If you ain't got trust, you ain't got jack cause you will never be comfortable with her. Anytime she is a few minutes late you will wonder. If she just happens to be selecting a dozen eggs and some guy nearby is looking for milk you may want to know, 'who the hell is he?' She did this because she was focused on how she felt. Then she came and told you knowing that it would tear you up inside because she needed to 'fess-up' and feel better. You also gotta ask what does she care about your feelings. It is probably best to keep your family intact if you can. However you deserve much more than just a 'promise' about how she'll never, ever do it again. She was willing to sign a marriage license in the beginning, and she should now be willing to sign a legally binding agreement that says if she ever does it again she will give you full custody, of your kids, house and car etc. If she ain't serious enough to sign that, she ain't serious enough!
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Old 10-20-2012, 14:38   #270
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Quote:
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Divorce over a little kissing for gods sake get real, don't ruin a child's life over this WORK IT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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A little kissing...Right...
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Old 10-20-2012, 14:47   #271
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Most people let this fester for about fifteen years then get a divorce. You have to decide what's best for your daughter, living in a house where two people hate/despise each other is not "optimal". What do you think is best for you? (I haven't read the thread yet).
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Old 10-20-2012, 14:50   #272
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First thing...don't take advice from any of us. Only you truly know how you feel about her. Take some time and do some soul searching.

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Old 10-20-2012, 14:56   #273
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Wow. I guess I really missed out by never marrying.
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Old 10-20-2012, 15:05   #274
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First thing...don't take advice from any of us. Only you truly know how you feel about her. Take some time and do some soul searching.
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Old 10-20-2012, 15:07   #275
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Wow. I guess I really missed out by never marrying.
I have lived with numerous women and never married them. But I did mess around when they withheld. Luckily, no kids.
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