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Old 12-05-2012, 18:39   #1
robin303
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Why We Miss Rodney Dangerfield...........

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'

I knew a girl so ugly... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night.

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.
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Old 12-05-2012, 18:52   #2
Travelin' Jack
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My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.
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Old 12-05-2012, 22:55   #3
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A classic of a guy and a great comedian. We've all been there. That's what made his jokes about himself so funny. You are missed Rodney.

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Old 12-06-2012, 09:23   #4
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I was so ugly as a child my Mother used to tie meat around my neck so the dogs would play with me . . .
I went to a really tough high school, it was so tough the school paper had an obituary column . . .
Ya had to love Rodney.
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Old 12-09-2012, 10:53   #5
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Time an egg - I miss RD.
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Old 12-09-2012, 10:59   #6
Glockgeezer
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We were so poor my mother cut the pockets out of my jeans so I had something to play with.
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Old 12-09-2012, 13:12   #7
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We were so poor my mother cut the pockets out of my jeans so I had something to play with.
Heh heh heh heh heh!
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Old 12-09-2012, 13:42   #8
LASTRESORT20
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Rodney had Magic!........ I miss him.....Always enjoyed his performances.
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Old 12-09-2012, 14:58   #9
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Is there a "comic" today that could get a laugh without profanity (other than the Redneck guys)?
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Old 12-09-2012, 15:45   #10
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Rodney was awesome, I loved him. Back to School was hilarious, as was Caddyshack.

Last edited by TK-421; 12-09-2012 at 15:46..
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Old 12-09-2012, 15:49   #11
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Old 12-13-2012, 11:42   #12
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From Rodney: "I'm more tired than a pair of jumper cables at a Tijuana funeral!"
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Old 12-14-2012, 03:12   #13
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He was right on the money all the time. Back to school was hilarious.
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Old 12-14-2012, 03:30   #14
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Watched "Easy Money" On Netflix a couple of weeks ago. So funny...
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