An 83-year-old man went to the doctor for a physical. The doctor pronounced him in fine shape but the old man asked to have a sperm count done.
"I don't think that's necessary," said the doctor, but the old man insisted so the doctor gave him an empty bottle and instructed him to fill it up and bring it back the following day.
The next day the old man returns with an empty bottle. "What happened?" asked the doctor. "Well," the old man said, "I tried with my right hand, I tried with my left hand, my wife tried with her right hand, she tried with her left hand, she tried with her teeth in, she tried with her teeth out..."
"We never could get the darn lid off the bottle!"
Don't dial 911, dial 1911
If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!
Schiit audio, everything else ain't.