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Old 09-11-2002, 07:38   #1
1loneranger
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Benefits of being female

*We got off the Titanic first.
* We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
* When we buy a vibrator, it's sexy. When men buy a blow-up doll, it's
pathetic.
* Our boyfriend's clothes look elfin and gorgeous on us -- guys look like
complete idiots in ours.
* We can be groupies.
* Male groupies are stalkers.
* We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a
computer game.
* Taxis stop for us.
* Men die sooner, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
* We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
* Free drinks.
* Free dinners.
* We can hug our friends without wondering if they think we're gay.
* We can hug our friends without wondering if we're gay.
* We know the truth about whether size matters.
* New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
* Condoms make no significant difference in our enjoyment of sex.
* It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
* No fashion faux pas we make could rival the Speedo.
* We don't fart to amuse ourselves.
* If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
* We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her ***.
* If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
* We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are
still there.
* We have the ability to dress ourselves.
*We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
* We have an excuse to be totally cranky at least once a month.
* We can talk to people of the opposite sex without automatically picturing
them naked.
*If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an
idiot.
* Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in
our teeth.
* There are times when chocolate really can solve all our problems.
* Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable.
* We'll never regret piercing our ears.
* We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
* We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra.
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Old 09-11-2002, 10:20   #2
okie
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Benefits

Quote:
We don't fart to amuse ourselves
LOL thats
funny;i ;i ;i ;f
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Old 09-11-2002, 14:09   #3
thisaway
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;a ;c ;Z
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Old 09-11-2002, 14:14   #4
Douglas in CT
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Quote:
* We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are
still there.
Right!
You just have to keep adjusting shoulder straps every 12 minutes or so.
;f ;a ;f
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Old 09-11-2002, 14:43   #5
geminicricket
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I thought all women found sex to be a disappointing bore.

size 10.
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Old 09-11-2002, 14:56   #6
Eddie C.
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Liked it a lot, thanks.
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Old 09-11-2002, 16:28   #7
Dogman
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Re: Benefits of being female

Quote:
* We don't fart to amuse ourselves.
I wouldn't count that as a benefit. It's just something you'll never understand.

Quote:
* We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
We don't HAVE to. We WANT to. Like shaking hands: "How's it hanging, dude?"

Quote:
* We have the ability to dress ourselves.
We CAN SO dress ourselves. We're just not a PICKY as the gals are. We don't care about what color our shoes are, if they fit and they're the proper function (sneakers, boots, etc), we're good to go.

Quote:
* We have an excuse to be totally cranky at least once a month.
We have an excuse as well. It's the fact that you're in a cranky mood once a month.
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Old 09-11-2002, 17:03   #8
Wolfgangamadeus
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The benefits of being male :)

The benefits of being male
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white T shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't really care if someone notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
Same work ... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
You don't mooch off other's desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes
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Old 09-12-2002, 04:19   #9
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nice!


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Old 09-12-2002, 08:11   #10
Eddie C.
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Loved it Wolfgang!
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"Weapons are tools of power. In the hands of the state they can be the tools of decency or the tools of oppression, depending on the righteousness of that state. In the hands of criminals they are tools of evil. In the hands of free and decent citizens they are tools of liberty. An unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it."
- Col. Jeff Cooper
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