You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for
being successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your
cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your
neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with
milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have
to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one
cow, which was a gift from your government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one,
milks theother, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do
an IPOon the 2nd one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch. Life is good.
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size
ofan ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to
travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their
class at cow school.
You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink
lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an
hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling
around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You
havesome more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3 months. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk
them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. At night when no one is looking, you eat both of them. Then you claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.
You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed
attempting to milk them.
You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best
looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote
forthe black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for
neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally,
a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking
NEW YORK CORPORATION:
You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one will be
the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.