When to Put Your Foot Down

G26packer · 05-21-2009, 19:39

Today I was over at my very good friends house, whom I spend time with very frequently. Out of the blue she said that she needed to get something off her chest.. of course I was open to whatever she had to say, we talk about everything. But what she said shocked me, and I wasn't prepared to act. She said "do you "pack" all the time. I said "no not all the time" (which I know I should ladies). Then she said "well could you not do it around me?"
I was so shocked I sat there speechless and asked her why. Her response was that it made her feel "uncomfortable". I tried to not show how upset I was and laughed and said "what do you think that I am going to shoot you or something?" she didn't offer any response to that.
I left shortly after that.
First of all, I have carried around her for over a month now, completely concealed, and I have always maintained complete control over my firearm. The only reason why she knows is because I was showing her husband and father and law my pistol. (one is a retired police officer, the other a local officer.)Both of which are completely supportive of me carrying.
This is a personal choice of mine, in which I have every right under the law to do. I always carry responsibly and concealed (even though open carry in my state is completely legal.
I do not feel that I should have to give up my right to protect myself and my family while I am around her to make her feel comfortable, also seeing that the place that we take our kids to the park has no cell service and out in the middle of no where. (what a nice place to get in trouble).
I am not sure how to handle this, and I feel so strongly about it that I am prepared just not to be around her. I am so upset about the whole situation, hoping that some of you ladies can shed some light on the issue. Completely open to any and all suggestions! Thanks!

G26packer · 05-22-2009, 11:37

Some help would be great!

dsw3131 · 05-22-2009, 11:42

I'm not a lady, but I'll offer my opinion. Firstly, if she's a very good friend, I would try to sit down with her and explain very plainly about why I carry, why it's perfectly safe, and ask her why she's afraid of my gun. Most people have very emotional reactions to guns, and don't think through their reasoning logically. It doesn't always help to try to explain it logically to them, because some can't get away from that "creepy" feeling that guns give them. If she's still unmoved, I would tell her that I understand her fears, and will respect her wishes when I'm in her house. I'd leave the gun in the car whenever I visit her house (which would be rarely after that). However, I'd also calmly and politely explain that carrying a firearm for self-defense is something I believe very strongly in. I've trained with my handgun, I know how to use it and carry it safely, and I will not give up my ability to defend myself and my kids to quell someone else's irrational fear. She can know with confidence that I will not be armed if I enter her house, but if she decides to avoid me any other time, knowing that I'm armed, that is her perogative.

After that, I'd leave the ball in her court. Still be polite and invite her out or offer to meet her for play time at the park. If she consistently rejects you, then I've guess you've lost a good friend. I know that would be hard to swallow, but I'm not giving up my right to self-defense just to keep an unreasonable friend happy.

You might nicely offer (more than once) to take her shooting. Knowledge can many times belay irrational fears, and if she learns how to handle and safely shoot a handgun, maybe she won't be so afraid of them. I'm not suggesting you try to recruit her into the concealed carry community (unless she begins acting interested). Just that you show her that firearms are a tool, and you don't have to live in fear of them.

Just my two cents.

G26packer · 05-22-2009, 13:39

I guess I need to go back to when I was first introduced to guns. I was born and lived in Canada for 18 years and we all know what their view on firearms is.
I already made it a point not to carry in her house and left it in my car, just because of the way that I play with her kids sometimes, I would hate to be flipping one of them around and them to knock themselves on it or feel something in my shirt and grab it. But you are absolutely right, I cannot afford to give up my right to protect myself and my family, just because she has an irrational fear.
I think that she may honestly feel that because I am a woman I would not be able to control it as well as a man.
My husband has open-carried in their home several times without any comments, and knows that he carries concealed everywhere he goes, and if she had even mentioned it to her husband that it bothered her, he would have said something to him about it.
Whatever the reason, like you said I will respect her and not carry in her home. I will explain to her the reasons why I carry and offer to take her shooting.
I think it really comes down to a belief system, I respect her beliefs and her opinion, why shouldn't she respect mine?

holyjohnson · 05-22-2009, 14:16

tell her "sorry,no"
shes got no cause to not trust you carrying.and no right to expect you to be unarmed anytime.
if she has no valid reason she has no reason to expect it.
if you don`t do it in her house which is respectful and reasonable (to her anyway)
there should`nt be any problem.if the friendship suffers maybe she`s got to learn to be a bit more open minded and not think her lack of understanding is anyone else`s fault.or her inability to defend herself and family is anyone else`s responsibility.
start meeting on neutral ground more and see if she brings it up again.
avoid anyplace like her house,or bars or anywhere you can`t carry.maybe offer to take her to a shooting range.don`t try to force her to live the gun life.
but maybe explain why its important and try to introduce her to self defense.
if she just flat wont get it,try and stay friends or put your foot down.
be prepared to cut your losses,some people just WONT get it.
good luck.(by the way,i`m not a lady either so everything i just said is probably wrong)

G26packer · 05-22-2009, 14:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by holyjohnson

tell her "sorry,no"
shes got no cause to not trust you carrying.and no right to expect you to be unarmed anytime.
if she has no valid reason she has no reason to expect it.
if you don`t do it in her house which is respectful and reasonable (to her anyway)
there should`nt be any problem.if the friendship suffers maybe she`s got to learn to be a bit more open minded and not think her lack of understanding is anyone else`s fault.or her inability to defend herself and family is anyone else`s responsibility.
start meeting on neutral ground more and see if she brings it up again.
avoid anyplace like her house,or bars or anywhere you can`t carry.maybe offer to take her to a shooting range.don`t try to force her to live the gun life.
but maybe explain why its important and try to introduce her to self defense.
if she just flat wont get it,try and stay friends or put your foot down.
be prepared to cut your losses,some people just WONT get it.
good luck.(by the way,i`m not a lady either so everything i just said is probably wrong)

No it's not wrong...I feel so strongly about it, that it is like her basically asking me to not practice my religion around her......which the answer would obviously be NO!

deMontacute · 05-22-2009, 16:00

I'm not a chick... errrr I mean Woman... But my advice would be "concealed means concealed"...

FrogWithAGlock · 05-22-2009, 17:37

Concealed is concealed. If she asks again, tell her it's like her asking about your underwear - personal, and has nothing to do with her, and you'd prefer she not mention it again.

Cat91 · 05-22-2009, 20:10

I have a close friend from England, where guns are illegal.

She knows I'm in the law enforcement biz.

We got talking about guns (this is some years ago and I was carrying a S&W 469 at the time, wish I could find another one) and she wanted to know if I was carrying then. I was, and zipped open my Coronado purse. She freaked, couldn't believe I carried it of-duty. Heck, I pack 24/7, these days my G27 is always on me or in arm's reach. Rose's simply terrified of the whole concept of firearms. Guns = evil. That's how they're indoctrinated over across the pond. No reason for it, simply full-on irrational fear. You can't fight that. She's one of these gals who has told me she'd rather get dead by the bad man than fight back. Me, I'm a West Virginia gal. I'm not going to go gently into that dark night; I plan to take the bad man with me or at least give it the old college try.

Miao, Cat

ubimow · 05-23-2009, 02:07

Wow I can't believe she would say that she would rather get killed than defend herself???? I can't even begin to comprehend how someone could not having any survival instinct whatsoever!! Sorry, but that is just retarded.

lawman800 · 05-23-2009, 04:07

Sorry, no deal.

I have (had) fervently anti-gun friends. We get into huge arguments about guns. I also have a few anti-gun family members. They don't like it, they don't have to be around me. I am not compromising my safety or the safety of those around me to make someone "comfortable".

I figure getting mugged and stabbed or shot while my wife is getting molested might be a little more uncomfortable than not having that buddy around who is going to do what? Say mean things to the gangbangers for being bad people?

I have no problem with people being sheeple and living by the good grace of others, that's their life choice, don't expect me to do the same.

To be fair to her and you, if you wish to solve it or compromise... tell her you won't carry your gun around her if she promises to throw herself in front of muggers while you get away or at the minimum, won't hold a grudge against you while you throw her to them as you run off. You'll come back for her, promise. She'll be your shield if she won't let you have a sword.

tshadow6 · 05-23-2009, 19:14

I'm a guy, just so you know. Now, I leave my weapon locked in my car whenever I'm at a family member's house. Other than that, I carry concealed. If someone has a problem with that, it's their problem not mine. I would respect your friend's wishes when in her home, otherwise, continue to carry concealed. Maybe getting beaten or worse is more comfortable for her?

lawman800 · 05-23-2009, 19:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by tshadow6

I'm a guy, just so you know. Now, I leave my weapon locked in my car whenever I'm at a family member's house. Other than that, I carry concealed. If someone has a problem with that, it's their problem not mine. I would respect your friend's wishes when in her home, otherwise, continue to carry concealed. Maybe getting beaten or worse is more comfortable for her?

I don't leave my gun in the car when I visit family. If they don't like it, it's on them. I can leave without a problem. My family does not compromise my safety. If they can't understand it and they get uncomfortable with me carrying a weapon, then they don't trust me either.

ubimow · 05-23-2009, 20:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by frogwithaglock

concealed is concealed. If she asks again, tell her it's like her asking about your underwear - personal, and has nothing to do with her, and you'd prefer she not mention it again.

LOL, perfect!!!

G26packer · 05-24-2009, 12:04

SO my husband just mentioned in passing to her husband what she had said to me, and of course she had never mentioned anything to him about it. He said "ignore her, she's just anti gun. So, I think that I am going to back off the friendship with her for a while and just do what I do, it's not my problem to worry about her irrational fears, I know that I am legal...

lawman800 · 05-24-2009, 17:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by G26packer

SO my husband just mentioned in passing to her husband what she had said to me, and of course she had never mentioned anything to him about it. He said "ignore her, she's just anti gun. So, I think that I am going to back off the friendship with her for a while and just do what I do, it's not my problem to worry about her irrational fears, I know that I am legal...

Become really good friends with her husband, hang out with him, call him and text him in the middle of the night, giggle about guns, give each other that knowing look that only pro-gunners give, that'll drive her nuts!

Cuzzin · 05-24-2009, 17:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by G26packer

... So, I think that I am going to back off the friendship with her for a while and just do what I do, it's not my problem to worry about her irrational fears, I know that I am legal...

Er ya go!!!

Mrs.Cicero · 05-25-2009, 09:37

From my feminine (ha) perspective...

I don't have friends that have a problem with my carrying... for the obvious reason that if they have a problem with my exercising my God-given right to be prepared to defend myself, then they obviously think that their emotions are of greater value than my rights as a human being. I don't need friends like that. Anyone who asks me not to carry around them, or in their home, is not a friend. He/She is a selfish libridiot.

Unfortunately, one doesn't get to choose one's family that way, but one can control even that situation a bit - i don't go to the homes of family members who have issues with firearms. They may still be invited to mine, but in my house, it's my rules - either Mr.C or I or both are armed, and if guests don't like it they are FREE to leave.

If you still desire a friendship with this dingbat, then you may choose to do the same thing - tell her you won't carry in her home, as that is HER castle... a human right which she is unlikely to recognize, but may provide you a springboard for further discussion of the stupidity of acting on emotional reactions rather than morals, ethics, and intellect... Then just don't go to her house anymore. You may still invite her to your own... and you may choose whether or not to bring up the corollary idea that YOUR home is YOUR castle, in which to carry or not as you see fit.

Final comment... would she tell you not to carry fire insurance on your house because she hates AIG/insurance companies? Would she tell you not to carry life insurance because she knows someone who knows someone whose claim was turned down because of the suicide clause on the policy? That's what folks who tell their "friends" not to carry are doing...

Mrs.C

G26packer · 05-26-2009, 20:38

Thanks for all your replies everyone. She did call by the way, she spent about a half an hour explaining herself, and alot of "what if this? what if that?" nonsense. Turns out her rediculous excuse was... drumroll please.... she knew someone that knew someone else, that apparently had an "accident" with a firearm, in which they couldn't have possibly been negligent and it was all the guns fault.. yes ladies and gentlemen.. you heard it here first...
Now excuse me while I go without driving my car because I knew someone that hit a parked car once that "came out of nowhere"...

G26packer · 05-26-2009, 20:42

Just wanted to add that I found it amusing that so many men replied to a thread entitled "when to put your foot down" in Women's Issues..

kentuckysptpr · 05-26-2009, 21:25

Well, I am a female. I think your friend may be intimidated by your gun. It takes a very confident woman to carry a gun and she probably feels like you have something in common with the men in her life. I would carry it anyhow.

mitchshrader · 05-26-2009, 21:31

don't talk to crazy people.

Mrs.Cicero · 05-27-2009, 07:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by mitchshrader

don't talk to crazy people.

Mitch, you crack me up.

Mrs.C

LadyG23 · 05-27-2009, 07:31

I had a female friend who had similar anti-gun views and her hubby is ex-military. She had a no-gun rule in her house. I respected that. Outside of her house, I carried around her. She started up a couple message boards and "allowed" me a "firearm room" where I would answer questions - mostly about women and guns. Almost five years later she has decided that guns aren't a bad thing and is talking about going to a range to try out shooting and her hubby is now allowed to have one in the house.

I viewed it the same way as I would if she asked me not to smoke in her house or if I would mind keeping my very large dogs penned up when she brought her daughters (who are terrified of dogs) over to play. By being respectful to her wishes, brought her around to see that not everyone who carries is a "gun nut" who would fly off the handle about their "right to carry" and that yes, guns are perfectly safe in the right hands.

I guess you would need to judge if the friendship is worth it to you. In my case, it was.

lawman800 · 05-27-2009, 10:13

It's a little different than smoking in her house... guns don't emit fumes and stink up the whole house and get into people's lungs, unless you intentionally fire the lead into the lungs, that is.

It's more akin to asking someone to leave their Bible (religion kills) outside or toolbox (hammers kill) outside or a ladder (falling kills) outside or any other innocuous object that has been given some type of characteristic that is not really inherent in it.