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Old 12-21-2002, 17:47   #1
pesticidal
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Holiday humor...

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?"

The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything."

"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome."

"Why chrome?" asks the patient.

To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plates like chrome for the Hollandaise!"


;f ;g ;f
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Old 12-21-2002, 19:05   #2
prpbmw
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Boooo!

Booooo!
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Old 12-21-2002, 20:45   #3
pesticidal
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Yeah, I know. But tell me you haven't already made plans to use it at the office on Monday...
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Old 12-22-2002, 02:34   #4
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One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer's hoof.
As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said "You know, I think you're the first reindeer I've ever seen in here."
The reindeer looked hard at the hoofful of change and said "Hmmmpf. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these f'in' prices, I'm the last reindeer you'll see in here."
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Old 12-23-2002, 07:58   #5
pesticidal
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Christmas Carols Mind Teasers
These are the names of well-known Christmas songs, rewritten in PC (pretty convoluted).
See if you can decipher them. First one given to you as an example.

1. Oh, member of the round table with missing areas "Oh, Holy Night"
2. Boulder of the tinkling metal spheres
3. Vehicular homicide was committed on Dad's mom by a precipitous darling
4. Wanted in December: top forward incisors
5. The apartment of two psychiatrists
6. The lad is a diminutive percussionist
7. Sir Lancelot with laryngitis
8. Decorate the entryways
9. Cup-shaped instruments fashioned of a whitish metallic element
10. Oh small Israel urban center
11. Far off in a hay bin
12. We are Kong, Lear, and Nat Cole
13. Duodecimal enumeration of the passage of the yuletide season
14. Leave and broadcast from an elevation
15. Our fervent hope is that you thoroughly enjoy your yuletide season
16. Listen, the winged heavenly messengers are proclaiming tunefully
17. As the guardians of the woolly animals protected their charges in the dark hours
18. I beheld a trio of nautical vessels moving in this direction
19. Jubilation to the entire terrestrial globe
20. Do you perceive the same vibrations which stimulate my auditory sense organ?
21. A joyful song of reverence relative to hollow metallic vessels which vibrate and bring forth a ringing sound when struck
22. Parent was observed osculating a red-coated unshaven teamster
23. May the Deity bestow an absence of fatigue to mild male humans
24. Rose-colored uncouth dolf is aware of the nature of precipitation, darling












Translations:

1. Oh, Holy Night
2. Jingle Bell Rock
3. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
4. All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth
5. Nutcracker Suite
6. The Little Drummer Boy
7. Silent Night (Knight= Sir Lancelot)
8. Deck the Halls
9. Silver Bells
10. O Little Town of Bethlehem
11. Away in a Manger
12. We Three Kings
13. 12 Days of Christmas
14. Go Tell It On the Mountain
15. We Wish You A Merry Christmas
16. Hark the Herald Angels Sing
17. As Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night
18. I Saw 3 Ships on Christmas Day
19. Joy to the World
20. Do You Hear What I Hear
21. The Bells of Christmas Are Ringing
22. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
23. God Rest You Merry Gentlemen
24. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer (knows rain, dear)
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