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Old 01-15-2003, 16:43   #1
Santa CruZin
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This one ought to get me in biiiiiiiiig trouble

Women think they already know everything, but wait... training courses are
now available for women on the following subjects:

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After The Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
7. Communication Skills I: Tears -- The Last Resort, not the First.
8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want Without Nagging
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
12. Introduction to Parking
13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs, and Butter
16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
17. Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
19. PMS: Your Problem... Not His
20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To
21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Own
22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both
25. TV Remotes: For Men Only
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Old 01-15-2003, 22:45   #2
WolfmanGK
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LOL!!! Splendid!
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Old 01-15-2003, 22:56   #3
TEAK
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;i ;i ;i
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Old 01-16-2003, 03:27   #4
Canuke
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Communication Skills IV: The Miracle of Plain English
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Old 01-16-2003, 11:33   #5
allhowl
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Please let me know where mine can enroll for all of the above!!!
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Old 01-16-2003, 11:36   #6
Ghosty
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Ahhh...that list is a work of art...
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Old 01-16-2003, 11:48   #7
geminicricket
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SantaC, that list was a waste of my time.

But anyway, how's the wagon ride for you?

Every surface inside my house is caked with accumulated dust because my wife never dusts.
I don't either, but we made an agreement when we married that I would do the outside work and she would do the inside work. We never agreed upon consequences, but the consequences are that we've each developed allergies to household dust. I leave each day and she stays there and thinks she's got some kind of chronic feel-sorry-for-me disease. I don't have the kindness to tell her that she's in a self-made handbasket.
So, I cook if I want a meal.
I wash if I want clean.
I vacuum the floors if I want them clean, and shampoo them if I want stains a lighter shade of black.
And she tells her friends that I abuse the children and oppress her. Oy. All I do is work
my butt off to keep her fat ass in front of a television and she runs to momma whenever I accidentally notice that the sty is particularly piggish on occasion.
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Old 01-16-2003, 16:24   #8
Santa CruZin
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Quote:
Originally posted by geminicricket
SantaC, that list was a waste of my time.

But anyway, how's the wagon ride for you?

Every surface inside my house is caked with accumulated dust because my wife never dusts.
I don't either, but we made an agreement when we married that I would do the outside work and she would do the inside work. We never agreed upon consequences, but the consequences are that we've each developed allergies to household dust. I leave each day and she stays there and thinks she's got some kind of chronic feel-sorry-for-me disease. I don't have the kindness to tell her that she's in a self-made handbasket.
So, I cook if I want a meal.
I wash if I want clean.
I vacuum the floors if I want them clean, and shampoo them if I want stains a lighter shade of black.
And she tells her friends that I abuse the children and oppress her. Oy. All I do is work
my butt off to keep her fat ass in front of a television and she runs to momma whenever I accidentally notice that the sty is particularly piggish on occasion.
Geez laweez. My wife needs wet-nursing, but not on that scale. I don't want to imply any ideas, but I don't know if I could do the work of both spouses AND take accusations of child abuse.

The wagon ride is going well, thanks. I've hit a couple ruts, but I never thought it would be a perfect or easy ride.
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Old 01-16-2003, 17:13   #9
prpbmw
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WARNING

Forward this list to your significant other at your own risk.
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Old 01-18-2003, 00:46   #10
Rebeldon
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26. Mental Telepathy: No, he can't read your mind.
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Old 01-18-2003, 02:04   #11
TKM
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G.C. why for you go home, bro? As my Samoan friends used to say.
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Old 01-18-2003, 11:21   #12
GlocksRock
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Splendid, you deserve a ;c for that one.
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Old 01-18-2003, 14:18   #13
gwalchmai
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I bet if you send that list to your wife you'll find they can master item #1 very quickly.
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Old 01-18-2003, 14:23   #14
okie
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list

Thats top notch stuff man;f
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Old 01-20-2003, 11:21   #15
Alex_Knight
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Let's see.

If we rearrange the letters in SANTA's name we come up with.........





SATAN.............





Pretty funny stuff Santa ! ! ! ! !
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Old 01-20-2003, 20:47   #16
Dogman
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Communication Skills V: Beyond "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you"
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Old 01-20-2003, 21:53   #17
BruceH
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Bathroom Etiquette #3: You too can learn to lower the seat.
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Old 01-21-2003, 14:33   #18
Santa CruZin
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Quote:
Originally posted by Alex_Knight
Let's see.

If we rearrange the letters in SANTA's name we come up with.........





SATAN.............







Aren't you tired of coal, year after year?
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Old 01-21-2003, 15:21   #19
Alex_Knight
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Quote:
Originally posted by Santa CruZin
Aren't you tired of coal, year after year?



I never learn, do I ? ? ?



;f ;f ;f
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