"The death of Osama bin Laden last Sunday has apparently damaged our relationship with al Qaeda.
Al Qaeda has released a statement vowing to make America pay for bin Laden's death.
Which - I'm pretty sure we did pay for his death.
We paid for the whole thing and even took care of the funeral arrangements.
Maybe a thank you would be nice."
"Osama Bin Laden's supporters want to rename the Arabian Sea where his body was dumped Martyr Sea.
Hiding in your bedroom for six years?
How about Chicken of the Sea?"
"Osama bin Laden is in the ocean.
Once again surrounded by seals."
"Osama bin Laden had money and telephone numbers sewn into his clothes.
Apparently we got him just as he was on his way to summer camp."
"How about those Navy Seals.
We're getting our money's worth there.
They broke into Osama bin Laden's compound with 12-foot walls topped by barbed wire, and fired a warning shot into his head."
"Apparently, members of Al Qaeda are online slamming the U.S.
I don't understand why they're so upset.
Everyone in Al Qaeda just got a promotion."
"Bin Laden was buried at sea.
Or as Dick Cheney calls it, 'the ultimate waterboarding.'"
"Osama bin Laden was apparently shot twice in the face.
It looks like Dick Cheney may have been involved."
"Bin Laden lived in this compound in Pakistan with all of his wives for 6 years.
So he did suffer."
"Bin Laden's wives didn't have it too bad.........by looking at the pictures of the inside of the compound, it doesn't look like any of them EVER had to do housework".