Join Date: Aug 2002
stories from doctors
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to
have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed
out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to
take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there
were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on
an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior
"Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be,"
remorsed the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA One day I had to be
the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he had died
of a "massive internal fart,"
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the
visual acuity test.
I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read
the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a
"Now both," I requested. There was silence. He
couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I
turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I
had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes
covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester,MA.
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with
his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he
was having trouble with one of his medications.
"Which one?" I asked.
"The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one
every six hours and now I'm running out of places to
put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what
I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the man had over fifty
patches on his body! Now the instructions include
removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I
asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a
look of complete confusion she answered...."Why, not
for about twenty years--when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So
how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good,
except for the Kentucky Jelly.
I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient
replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman
produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
A nurse was on duty in the ER, when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting
a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
entered. It was quickly determined that the patient
had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for
immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed
on the operating table, the staff noticed that her
pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was
a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the
surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note
on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to
mow the lawn."
Correctional and Therapeutic Mayhem Administrator EMERITUS
GLOCK CERTIFIED ARMORER