The Stella Awards!
Don't know the legitimacy of the following.. but it's interesting if it's all true...
It's time once again to review the winners of the annual "Stella Awards." The "Stella" is named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself & successfully sued McDonalds. That case inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States. Unfortunately the most recent lawsuit implicating McDonalds, the teen's who allege that eating at McDonalds has made them fat, was filed after the 2002 award voting was closed. This suit will top the 2003 list w/out question.
Here are this year's winners:
5th Place (tie):
Kathleen Robertson of Austin (TX) was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.
5th Place (tie):
A 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles (CA) won $74,000 & medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand w/a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
5th Place (tie):
Terrence Dickson of Bristol (PA) was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house & garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, & Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, & a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.
Jerry Williams of Little Rock (AR) was awarded $14,500 & medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence into the yard & was shooting it repeatedly w/a pellet gun.
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster (PA) $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink & broke her coccyx (tailbone).. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
Kara Walton of Claymont (DE) successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor & knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak thru the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 & dental expenses.
This year's run away winner was Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City (OK). Mr.. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home (from an OU football game), having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph & calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back & make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed & overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual that he couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreation vehicles.
If a man is not a liberal when he is 18, he has no heart. If a man is not a conservative when he is 30, he has no brain. - Winston Churchill