[lopak]

During the time I was a cop, my uniform took a lot of damage. It was spiffy looking, but not necessarily durable.

I pull this guy over on a road that runs parallel to the Rio Grande in El Paso, circa 1977. Those days, no fence. The “mighty Rio Grande” is a muddy stream there, 10's of feet wide. Just on the other side is Mexico and houses of cardboard where very poor people live. That sunny day, women on the other side were doing their laundry in the river.

The guy has some warrants and gets arrested. I cuff him, hands behind back, and complacently belt him in the front passenger seat (the back seat is already occupied with a previous customer). I close the door and am strolling around the car when I hear the door open. He's running down the embankment toward Mexico, yelling in Spanish for help.

I take off after him and get into a wrestling match in the middle of the river with water up to my knees. All movement has stopped on the Mexico side. All eyes are on us. I get the guy sorted and march him back up the embankment to the car.

As I slog back to the car, I feel a distinct draft where I shouldn't. Sometime in the action I managed to completely split out the seat of my uniform pants, giving the ladies in Mexico a good view of my tidy whities and my hairy posterior.

Breaks me up, thinking about it.

[silentpoet]

OK, I was a reserve and was working the county fair. I waited patiently to the end of my shift to get a funnel cake. I may have got one for one of the jailors too, can't remember for sure. While getting in the gigantic 4*4 that was the only SO vehicle left that I could drive I managed to not drop the funnel cake. I caught it with my pants. Powdered sugar all over the crotch. I managed to avoid the general public, but I get back to the SO and the Sheriff was there. He found it highly amusing. It took me awhile to live that one down.

[Fallout]

Ive got three that I will share.

I had stopped off at one of the local gas stations to use the facilities. I walk into the bathroom and this little boy is going crazy with the toilet paper. Pulling it off the rolls wetting it and throwing it on the ceiling it looked like a couple toilet paper bombs went off in the bathroom. He stops when I come in and I take him to his parents. End up getting a call so I go ahead and leave. I am talking to a complainant outside of her house and notice that she keeps looking down and smiling. I finally look down and see toilet paper hanging off the back side of my shoe. As embarassed as I was instead of making an ordeal about it I realized how funny she thought it was and finished the rest of my call with it stuck on my shoe. Not paying anymore mind to it.

The uniform pants we were required to wear when I first started where made of Polyester and wool. Being a rook, freshly married and having no money I would try and make my clothing allowance stretch. I am a tall guy and it requires some finess for me to get into a crown vic properly without hanging up on the roof or the door pillar with all my gear on. I found that grabbing the steering wheel and kind of falling across into the seat was about the best way to do it (sounds bad but looks intentional when you do it). Apparently the seat cushion is abbrasive to the Poly/wool pant material and after several thousand sit downs was wearing the seat out of my pants. Nothing critical or so it appeared. I stop a guy for speeding one day get out get his information and go back to the car. When I "fall" back into the car I feel the strange sensation of bare seat material on the back of my legs and immediately realized what I had done. So I pulled up next to the guy told him to come over get his license and insurance from me and told him that I had an emergency that I had to go handle and it was his lucky day.

I was a freshly promoted Shift Sgt. a Busy Friday night and It was cold. I was wearing Long johns, under my uniform and a Heavy winter coat. We were non-stop disturbance after disturbance for several hours and Finally got what seemed like a short break. I had been holding my bladder for what seemed like 3 hours and finally found a gas station to stop in to handle business. I am literally about to burst as I am shuffling in the bathroom. I think that everything is "Clear" and as I let go I realize that the zipper flap of the stupid Polyester wool pants was partially blocking. Needless to say I soaked myself by the time I could shut it off. As I am standing there pondering how I am going to fix this. The radio crackles and one of my guys calls for backup. I am the closest to him so I swallow my pride and head out towards my car. The store owner looks at me and I see his eyes train on my soaked pants and I tell him that "Your out of paper towels so I had to dry my hands on my pants thanks!".
My guy disregards and I go home and change. Funny part is to this day when I walk into that store the owner goes to the bathroom and checks to see if there are paper towels in it.

[Chowser]

i had one during a promotional exam. i sat right up front. as i sat down, the front of my pants split. and of course i wasn't wearing black underwear at the time.
i took that 6 hour test in an hour and a half, ran home and got new pants.
scored #2 on that test too!

[DaBigBR]

This wasn't me...

I know a trooper who pooped his pants at work. The post in which I live is six counties, arranged in two rows of three. We are on the east end of the post and this particular troop lived in the county on the west end. He gets assigned over here one day because they are short staffed, thinks he's going to fart, and well, you know. He calls his Sergeant to ask for permission to go home...and gets denied. So now he has to explain why he absolutely MUST go home. He gets permission to go home, clean up, and head back out. He literally gets on to his own street when they call him for a multi-vehicle injury crash back in our county. I'm told there were a few very long, uncomfortable moments before the sarge got on the radio to tell dispatch that the troop was unable to respond and that he would handle the call.

I would imagine he had clean uniforms hanging in his back window and a change of drawers in the go bag for a good while after that.

[Pepper45]

When I was a reserve for my current agency, I lived 2 minutes from the office. If I tore my trousers, it was easy enough to get another pair. When I was hired full time, I had just moved 22 miles away. I learned just off of FTEP, I always keep a backup uniform in a SpaceBag in my trunk. It may be wrinkled, but my butt won't be hanging out from a split seam.

[SAR]

Years ago, I was working a plainclothes detail conducting street narcotics buys with my very hot female partner. We successfully closed the deal on a "rock," and when we went to take the dealer into custody, he grabbed my partner's shirt and tore it clean off.... damn, we all stood there for a second taking it all in before the fight was on. After a dogpile, we finally got the dealer into custody. To this day, I swear some of the officers wanted to thank the suspect. My partner didn't talk to me for awhile, but eventually she got to the point where she could laugh about it.... I gotta say she was in great shape.

[PinkoCommie]

Pretty soon, I will have nothing but DaBigBR's quotes in my sig line

[boomhower]

Shirt keepers coming loose for nut shots, always at inopportune times. I wear stirrups now.


Sent from my iPhone 4S using Tapatalk

[lawman800]

We had a guy rip his pants open in the back just getting into his unit. Good thing it wasn't in front of any suspects. Bad thing it was in front of all of us after briefing and while we were all loading up our cars.

He had a spare set in his locker. Lucky him.

[DaBigBR]

Originally Posted by PinkoCommie

Pretty soon, I will have nothing but DaBigBR's quotes in my sig line

Somebody either has or had "I once heard a story about a trooper that pooped his pants on duty...", also my quote, in their sig line.

[bccop]

When I started 12 years ago we used Flying Cross uniform pants. I don't know if we received a bad batch or it was common but most of us would blow the crotch out every other week. I swear they were cheap dress pants with cargo pockets sewn on them.

Anytime someone bent over to handcuff a proned out suspect, climbed over a low wall, etc. you'd be guaranteed to hear a loud rip and feel a cool breeze. We are each issued 4 pairs of pants and the department pays for dry cleaning/alterations/repairs.

[LilCop2002]

I was fresh onto shift, standing at the main gate to my USAF installation all while looking extremely squared away with highly polished boots and Oakley sunglasses. Business was a bit more than normal and I finally got a quick break to check in with our dispatch center. As I get off the phone, I see a car coming and head out to check the ID card of a nice looking older lady in a higher end German import.

As I hand the ID Card back to her, something hit my leg and we both look down. As I look back up at her, she was smiling big as could be while exclaiming, "Oh, lawd! This pretty Staff Sergeant with white teeth just pulled his handcuffs on me. Are you ready to use those things?!"

I wasn't sure what to do, but words from Dragoon and 4949 were in my head as I turned red and directed her to her destination as I attempted to keep my cool while picking the handcuffs off the ground.

[Ohio Copper]

There is a reason there is an extra uniform shirt and pants as well as drawers, socks and undershirt in my locker. Also a reason why the trash bags were missing from the trash cans in the locker room one evening. Good thing we have showers. That will never happen again...


Sent from my Calculator.

[Metro566]

Wasn't me (thank god)...

I was down on the south end of our county, BSing with a local copper at their station (they are an 8man dept). As I was chatting with him I hear the distinct sound of squealing tires coming toward the station. I looked up and saw a squad from the next city over burning ass around a turn and barreling right toward us.

Guy jumps out, gripping the seat of his pants and literally dropping keepers on the ground as he's running for the door. He gets to the door, tries punching in the keycode, when suddenly he removes his hand and drops his head. As he's shuffling back to his squad he looks at us and says "well...I guess I'm up ****'s creek" lol

Luckily for him the copper I was chatting with was his size and gave him a pair of pants to finish out his shift with.

[DaBigBR]

Originally Posted by Metro566

...literally dropping keepers on the ground as he's running for the door...

You aren't really a cop until you've taken keepers off while driving.

[Goldendog Redux]

The fly blew out of my class A pants at my academy graduation. I was giving the speech. I also had I had the fly blow out of my class A pants at a funeral.

[SAR]

Originally Posted by Goldendog Redux

The fly blew out of my class A pants at my academy graduation. I was giving the speech. I also had I had the fly blow out of my class A pants at a funeral.

Damn dude, you're in the wrong line of work, Holmes.

[Panzergrenadier1979]

Originally Posted by LilCop2002

I was fresh onto shift, standing at the main gate to my USAF installation all while looking extremely squared away with highly polished boots and Oakley sunglasses.................

Back in the early to mid 90s I was a cadet in the Civil Air Patrol and we spent a lot of time at USAF installations in the Washington DC area. Whenever we entered a base my friends and I were always amazed at how the Security Police uniforms worn by the gate guards made the males look extremely bada55 while simultaneously making the females look extremely hot. An interesting phenomenon that has yet to be duplicated in any military branch.

[lawman800]

Originally Posted by DaBigBR

You aren't really a cop until you've taken keepers off while driving.

My partner was able to take off the keepers, duty belt, and keep talking while driving and pretty much run into the station house ready to go Code X with his hands on the zipper as the only thing preventing a sexual harassment charge.

[Ajon412]

Originally Posted by DaBigBR

You aren't really a cop until you've taken keepers off while driving.

Yes, it's an acquired skill.....

[DoogieHowser]

Originally Posted by Panzergrenadier1979

Back in the early to mid 90s I was a cadet in the Civil Air Patrol and we spent a lot of time at USAF installations in the Washington DC area. Whenever we entered a base my friends and I were always amazed at how the Security Police uniforms worn by the gate guards made the males look extremely bada55 while simultaneously making the females look extremely hot. An interesting phenomenon that has yet to be duplicated in any military branch.

Mmm CAP, I have many fond memories with them.

[Panzergrenadier1979]

Originally Posted by DaBigBR

You aren't really a cop until you've taken keepers off while driving.

I would add

"...... and running lights and siren to get to your station in time."

My FTO told me about one of our guys who did that years ago. I thought it was hysterical until I found myself in just such a predicament.

Yes, I made it in time (barely).

[CJStudent]

Originally Posted by Panzergrenadier1979

Back in the early to mid 90s I was a cadet in the Civil Air Patrol and we spent a lot of time at USAF installations in the Washington DC area. Whenever we entered a base my friends and I were always amazed at how the Security Police uniforms worn by the gate guards made the males look extremely bada55 while simultaneously making the females look extremely hot. An interesting phenomenon that has yet to be duplicated in any military branch.

Mmmmmmmmmmmm...............chair force women.......................

[IrishSheepdog54]

Originally Posted by DaBigBR

You aren't really a cop until you've taken keepers off while driving.

I was on FTO around 0200, and was flying down an empty four-lane road. My FTO asked what was up... I said, "Look, I'm going to an emergency... if we on-view a shooting, we're calling it in." He got what I meant.