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Old 08-01-2012, 13:35   #1
eracer
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Asked a lady out. She said no...

Back story:

She's a teller at my bank, and we've been friendly from the start. We chat about interests, and I think there's been a connection from the beginning. She did, however, let me know early on (about six months ago) that she had a boyfriend, and that they were moving in together.

I was in the bank yesterday, chatting her up and being my usual self, when she let it be known that she had just broken up with her boyfriend.

I immediately asked her out on a date.

She seemed happy that I asked, but said "No." I think she said "Thanks, but I'm going to have to say no, right now..."

I said, "I understand, but just know that the offer is on the table," smiled and left.

I think she want's to get together with me, but it's too soon after her breakup, and she needs some time alone.

Question for you ladies: When should I ask her out again? Or should I propose a 'not-date' where we get together on the range (she likes to shoot) with no expectations of anything further - just two people who like each other doing something fun together?

I'm 53 years-old, and I don't date. I have a couple of women friends that I do fun things with, but she's the first woman in a long time that I've actually wanted to date, with the hope of developing a relationship.

(I'm sure I'm opening myself to a bunch of sarcastic comments from the guys trolling this thread - so be it. I'd really like to get a woman's perspective on this.)
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Old 08-01-2012, 13:49   #2
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I think it's a great idea to invite her out to the range a time or two and get to know each other. At minimum, you can make a new friend to shoot with.

She's smart in taking a 'time out', not jumping right into a new relationship. It might take her as much as 2-3 months to get her head together. That's a good thing, to give it time. And remember, the she could very well go back to the former boyfriend, and you don't want to get mixed up in a rebound relationship.

Just be friendly and pleasant (I know you will), make sure she knows you're still interested, and make sure to say 'no pressure, whenever you're ready'.

And congratulations on being man enough to stand up to the trolls snarky remarks. Real men don't insult women. Actually, they don't insult anyone. Manners count, always.
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Old 08-01-2012, 14:00   #3
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Originally Posted by eracer View Post
Back story:

She's a teller at my bank, and we've been friendly from the start. We chat about interests, and I think there's been a connection from the beginning. She did, however, let me know early on (about six months ago) that she had a boyfriend, and that they were moving in together.

I was in the bank yesterday, chatting her up and being my usual self, when she let it be known that she had just broken up with her boyfriend.

I immediately asked her out on a date.

She seemed happy that I asked, but said "No." I think she said "Thanks, but I'm going to have to say no, right now..."

I said, "I understand, but just know that the offer is on the table," smiled and left.

I think she want's to get together with me, but it's too soon after her breakup, and she needs some time alone.

Question for you ladies: When should I ask her out again? Or should I propose a 'not-date' where we get together on the range (she likes to shoot) with no expectations of anything further - just two people who like each other doing something fun together?

I'm 53 years-old, and I don't date. I have a couple of women friends that I do fun things with, but she's the first woman in a long time that I've actually wanted to date, with the hope of developing a relationship.

(I'm sure I'm opening myself to a bunch of sarcastic comments from the guys trolling this thread - so be it. I'd really like to get a woman's perspective on this.)
I've found being too eager or having too open a schedule is a turn off for the ladies. Continue to be friendly and wait a month or so. Next time you ask her out, have a definite date, time, and activity planned. For example, we should go shooting on Saturday at 2:00 P.M. Here's my number, we can meet there. Be interested, confident, and polite. Find out if she drinks coffee. Setup a date to meet for coffee. A specific time, date, location. Be flexible enough to change, but not like you have nothing else to do or going on in your life.

Good luck.
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Old 08-01-2012, 14:40   #4
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Doesn't this belong on the Dear Abby forum? Discussions here should be of a higher caliber.

Last edited by wmodavis; 08-01-2012 at 14:41..
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Old 08-02-2012, 13:17   #5
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deleted. wrong forum.

Last edited by JBnTX; 08-02-2012 at 13:21..
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Old 08-02-2012, 13:56   #6
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Thanks ladies. I knew I could count on you for some solid advice.
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Old 08-02-2012, 13:57   #7
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Doesn't this belong on the Dear Abby forum? Discussions here should be of a higher caliber.
Sorry hon, but .45/70 is as big as I get.
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Old 08-02-2012, 14:49   #8
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Good one, Eracer ! .45/70 indeed !

You had a good question in the first place, and clearly came to the right place to ask it.

B
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Old 08-02-2012, 15:33   #9
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No is No
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Old 08-02-2012, 15:55   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eracer View Post
(I'm sure I'm opening myself to a bunch of sarcastic comments from the guys trolling this thread - so be it. I'd really like to get a woman's perspective on this.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by BonnieB View Post
And congratulations on being man enough to stand up to the trolls snarky remarks. Real men don't insult women. Actually, they don't insult anyone. Manners count, always.

Quote:
Originally Posted by fx77 View Post
No is No
No woman's worth crawling on the earth...walk like a man...
Just in case you were going to be disappointed....
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Old 08-02-2012, 21:52   #11
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Oh wait... You're not Eurodriver.

Never mind. Carry on
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if you don't spend $3500 on a one-off custom made 1911 that was made on machines lubricated with the blood of poor people, it's a piece of garbage, and will inevitably cost you your life.
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Old 08-03-2012, 07:02   #12
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Build your account to as high a level as possible, move money in, whatever. After you have it high stop by the bank at times & line up her window to cash a check. You keep doing this once every 10 days or so. The idea being she may find a 'man of means' attractive.
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Old 08-03-2012, 07:23   #13
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Listen to the Smiths song, How Soon Is Now over and over and over.
Then get over it.
Chicks dig confidence, a good sense of humor and respect.

Good luck.
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Old 08-03-2012, 07:49   #14
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Build your account to as high a level as possible, move money in, whatever. After you have it high stop by the bank at times & line up her window to cash a check. You keep doing this once every 10 days or so. The idea being she may find a 'man of means' attractive.
Go to another bank and borrow somewhere between $8M and $14M. Deposit it in your checking account. Go to her window and make a $10k withdrawal. She is sure to ask about your account - tell her it is your "mad money" for impulsive purchases.

Then ask her out. If she agrees then - RUN AWAY.
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Old 08-03-2012, 09:41   #15
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Maybe she's saw your bank account balance? Who goes inside a bank anymore?
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Old 08-03-2012, 11:45   #16
eracer
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It amazes me that internet advice is often given by people who apparently never read the original post. Or at the very least seem to be simply talking to themselves.
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Old 08-03-2012, 17:18   #17
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It amazes me that internet advice is often given by people who apparently never read the original post. Or at the very least seem to be simply talking to themselves.
That amazes you? You should be amazed if you get anything MORE than that on a forum. Let alone a gun forum.

Either way, good luck with your situation
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if you don't spend $3500 on a one-off custom made 1911 that was made on machines lubricated with the blood of poor people, it's a piece of garbage, and will inevitably cost you your life.
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Old 08-04-2012, 12:37   #18
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Here's my advice.

Don't ask her out again. You put yourself out there, her reason for rejecting you is irrelevant simply because that reason was enough to over come any kind of interest or attraction she possibly has for you. Just be polite like you have been in the past and don't mention it to her again. If she changes her mind she knows where to find you!

And kudos for being a man and asking her out when the opportunity presented itself. A lot of guys would have chickened out!
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Old 08-04-2012, 12:39   #19
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Almost forgot, why don't you date more? At 53 you still have some good years left in front of you and finding a mate can greatly enhance those years!
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Old 08-04-2012, 13:03   #20
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Dale's right !

The Holy Trinity! Men over 50 who are "single, straight and solvent" seem real scarce to single women over 50! Looks matter a lot less than they did in high school, believe me. Being clean and presentable does count.

I'm sure you have your reasons not to date much, but some lady out there is praying for your arrival. Just try to pick someone reasonably in your age group and income bracket.

Good luck and Happy Hunting!
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Old 08-04-2012, 13:47   #21
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I'm 65 and been married to my High School sweetheart for 44 years. If something were to happen I think I would be to far gone to make a good female friend let alone a genuine girl friend! I would become a hermit livin' in a house that smelled like a gas station bathroom. My hat's off to you buddy and she'll be happy when she dates you!
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Old 08-05-2012, 08:20   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Just1More View Post
Maybe she's saw your bank account balance??
Could be...

I got chatted up at one of my banks yesterday by a thirtysomething, hinting about a party, and she had just seen mine. And I'm married! And twice her age...
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Old 08-05-2012, 13:49   #23
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Don't give up. If you ask enough women, one is bound to say yes.

While I was in the army we had a guy that looked like the missing link. (big head, arms longer than his legs) The (link)guy and a buddy of his went to a whore house in Frankfurt, Germany. The woman at the door looked at the two guys and said, "You can come in, but your friend, He's got to go." Of course the other guy came back and told the story to the whole company.
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Old 08-06-2012, 09:44   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by uhlawpup View Post
Could be...

I got chatted up at one of my banks yesterday by a thirtysomething, hinting about a party, and she had just seen mine. And I'm married! And twice her age...
I was making a 6-figure deposit at my bank and the teller cracked a joke asking "and how do I get on your Christmas list?" I just smiled and said "it's harder than you think" and continued our business. She still smiles at me once in a while when I go in.

The no is a no. You shouldn't have "left the offer on the table" as you put it. Once she says no, leave it at that and don't leave it as an open-ended invite. It makes you look desperate IMHO. Like you don't have anything else going on and puts all the power in her court.
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Old 08-06-2012, 10:29   #25
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I was making a 6-figure deposit at my bank and the teller cracked a joke asking "and how do I get on your Christmas list?
The only 6 figure deposits into my account is the monthly paycheck.
$.
I'm a broke ass!
Hahahahaha
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