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Old 10-09-2012, 14:50   #21
scccdoc
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Get a Monkey.

Cop Talk
Beginning to understand why your relationships don't work
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Old 10-09-2012, 15:13   #22
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sometimes you have to cut your loses....knowing if things have gone too far will help with that decision. somethings can not be gotten over.
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Old 10-09-2012, 15:14   #23
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Not in every case. Even after paying child support and alimony, I have hundreds left over after bills every month. When I was married, I was broke just days after every payday and we bounced checks just before payday as well. I survived 21 years of that before I threw in the towel.
I've been there a couple times. I think I took put up with more crap off of the second one because I knew how painful (and expensive) another divorce would be but after 20 years or so of a declining relationship I threw in the towel too. In retrospect the only real regret I have is not divorcing her sooner.
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Old 10-09-2012, 15:24   #24
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life is too short to waste it with somebody who doesnt adore you.
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Old 10-09-2012, 15:27   #25
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Didn't see if you had kids.

My father and mother were divorced when I was 12. After listening to the night long fights and cold treatments during the days, the distrust and suspicion, I think the divorce for my parents was the right thing. My father was great to us kids after the divorce, but he was hell for my mother to live with while married.

Maybe you have a case, only you know.
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Old 10-09-2012, 16:03   #26
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have you asked God what to do?

has she?
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Old 10-09-2012, 16:08   #27
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I am sorry to hear of your difficulties. Also, I hadn't realized you had been a jerk lately. I guess I missed that part, or glossed over it. Either way, not a big deal.

Family is more important than the job. Have you considered picking up the movie "Fireproof"? It might help.
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Old 10-09-2012, 16:18   #28
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i'll skip the details....

if she needs to log in at home, have you considered...(allright...screw the cute analogy)

sit down and talk to her. maybe the both of you need a reminder why you got married in the first damn place!. try a weekend away. hell, try actually just talking. subject doesn't matter (politics...probably not good) and take it from there. if there is anything left to salvage, maybe you need to initiate finding it. if she's not willing to take a step towards fixing it, you have your answer, but, at the end of the day, you better damn well be able to look in the mirror and know you did ALL that you could.

just sayin'
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Old 10-09-2012, 16:21   #29
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Didn't see if you had kids.
No kids. I am a carrier for a birth defect, and she has cardiac issues.
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Old 10-09-2012, 17:06   #30
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I hope you find happiness, whether that be with or without her.

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Old 10-09-2012, 17:25   #31
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Originally Posted by packsaddle View Post
have you asked God what to do?

has she?
This. At the risk of sounding preachy, I was/am in the same situation. Life is better every day, but only because I started renewing my relationship with God. That has created a lot of changes in me, many of which my wife needed to happen. I was looking down the barrel of a divorce a month ago, and now we are getting a weekend without the kids together. That's about as rare as a unicorn crapping skittles, for the record.

Point is, even though things have a long way to go before we're what we used to be, they're s lot better because I got back to church.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kingarthurhk View Post
I am sorry to hear of your difficulties. Also, I hadn't realized you had been a jerk lately. I guess I missed that part, or glossed over it. Either way, not a big deal.

Family is more important than the job. Have you considered picking up the movie "Fireproof"? It might help.
On the recommendation of a good friend, I bought "The Love Dare", which is the book featured in that movie. I credit the lessons I learned thus far for helping save my marriage.
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Old 10-09-2012, 17:54   #32
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Bag er and tag er danno...anyone seen my beer?
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Old 10-09-2012, 18:28   #33
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Man, some of you guys act like it's purely a financial decision on whether to end a marriage or not and throwing the towel in is as easy as taking out the trash.

OP, I can't really empathize with your situation, as I'm not there, but I wish you the very best in whatever you decide. Given the tone of your posts, I'd suspect you can separate the good advice from the ridiculous advice in this thread.
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Old 10-09-2012, 18:49   #34
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Originally Posted by wprebeck View Post
This. At the risk of sounding preachy, I was/am in the same situation. Life is better every day, but only because I started renewing my relationship with God. That has created a lot of changes in me, many of which my wife needed to happen. I was looking down the barrel of a divorce a month ago, and now we are getting a weekend without the kids together. That's about as rare as a unicorn crapping skittles, for the record.

Point is, even though things have a long way to go before we're what we used to be, they're s lot better because I got back to church.



On the recommendation of a good friend, I bought "The Love Dare", which is the book featured in that movie. I credit the lessons I learned thus far for helping save my marriage.
I couldn't agree with this more. About 8 months ago, I came really close to losing my wife and daughter. I was miserable and so I made them both miserable. She finally reached a breaking point and asked for a separation. It was the worst time of my life. I turned to the big guy (mostly because I had no where else to turn) and he saved my marriage and probably my life.

I also watched fire proof and read the love dare and I would recommend them.

Good luck, and I pray it works out however you want it to.
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Old 10-09-2012, 18:59   #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PaulMason View Post
Get a Monkey.

Cop Talk
That address isn't valid. My check was returned.

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Old 10-09-2012, 19:35   #36
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Get a Monkey.

Cop Talk
The good old days.

Personally I look at marriage the same as getting stabbed. Yeah I lived through it and it was one of those life experiences but I don't want to go through either again.
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Old 10-09-2012, 23:40   #37
frizz
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have you asked God what to do?

has she?
It's about time I did. Thanks for the reminder.


Question is, why did I need a reminder?
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Old 10-09-2012, 23:44   #38
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We all need reminders sometimes. As far as Christianity goes, that's why church and regular fellowship with other Christians is important... it keeps you coming back. Otherwise us humans have proven time and time again that without reminders to stay on the right track, we'll wander off and eventually manage to screw everything up trying to figure things out on our own.
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Old 10-09-2012, 23:45   #39
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The good old days.

Personally I look at marriage the same as getting stabbed. Yeah I lived through it and it was one of those life experiences but I don't want to go through either again.
My experience has been, overall, positive. We have supported each other through serious illnesses, including cancer.

It takes the right match, and I'm sorry yours was stab-like. I can't blame you for not wanting to do it again.

Once burnt (stabbed) twice shy.
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Old 10-09-2012, 23:48   #40
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Again, thanks for the replies from both sides of the spectrum.

The crisis that prompted me to post this thread was a miscommunication by my wife's friend. It was unintentional, and she was very sorry.

It still threw me for a loop, and I'm still jumpy.
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