discovery of heaviest element
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the
heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been
tentatively named Governmentium.
Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and
224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since
governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as
it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount
of governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it
would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life
of 3 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in
which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange
places. In fact, governmentium's mass will actually increase over time,
since each reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to
speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain
quantity in concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
Correctional and Therapeutic Mayhem Administrator EMERITUS
GLOCK CERTIFIED ARMORER