Now that I am older
Now that I'm older (but refuse to grow up) here's what I've discovered....
>ONE - I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
>TWO - My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
>THREE - I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
>FOUR - Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
>FIVE - All reports are in, life is now officially unfair.
>SIX - If all is not lost, where is it?
>SEVEN - It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
>EIGHT - Some days you are the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
>NINE - I wish the buck stopped here, I sure could use a few.
>TEN - Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
>ELEVEN - Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
>TWELVE - It's hard to make a come back when you haven't been anywhere.
>THIRTEEN - The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're
>in the bathroom.
>FOURTEEN - If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
>FIFTEEN - When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide
>to play chess?
>SIXTEEN - It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
>SEVENTEEN - The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
>EIGHTEEN - These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the
>hereafter...I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here
Don't dial 911, dial 1911
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