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Old 09-27-2003, 22:28   #1
ChuteTheMall
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Location: Anti-Obamaville
Posts: 63,168


A fsh.

1. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,
but don't start anything."

2. A sandwich walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

3. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

4. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says,
"A beer please...and one for the road."

5. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love, and get married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was brilliant.

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

8. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.

9. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

10. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my mom or my dad...or, maybe my older brother Colin or my
younger brother Ho-Cha Chu.
But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.

12. A man regained consciousness in the hospital after a serious
accident.
He shouted, "Doctor, doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

13. I went to a seafood disco rave last week and pulled a mussel.

14. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.
But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank....
proving once and! for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it
too.

15. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.

16. Two termites walk into a bar.
One asked, "Is the bar tender here?
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Old 09-27-2003, 23:54   #2
Blast
'nuff said
 
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Location: NKY/Cincinnati area
Posts: 21,568


Quotable qoutes and proverbial wisdom
1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. I just got a thought. It was unfamilier territory. (Alex;g)
4. Seen it all, done it all. Can't rememeber most of it. (Alex again;g)
5. Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don't.
6. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. (Definately Chute ;f)
7. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
9. Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
10. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
11. Just remember... if the world didn't suck we'd all fall off.
12. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
13. The things that come to those who wait may be the things left behind by those who got there first.
14. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
15. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
16. I started out with nothing, and still have most of it.
17. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
18. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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A man should look for what is, and not for what he thinks should be - Albert Einstein
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Old 09-28-2003, 05:59   #3
ChuteTheMall
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Give a man a fire and he has warmth for a day.
Set that man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
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"I was part of a 10-person team at the human genome project that weaponized diseases to fight weaponized diseases. Pathogenic microorganisms with pathogenic microorganisms. Fire with fire. Interdepartmental drinks were had, relationships made..."
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Old 09-28-2003, 06:16   #4
JHS
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I don't take nothin' for granite, because that's what they make tomestones out of: Hank the Cowdog, head of ranch security

If you can't run with the big dogs stay on the porch. Also by Hank
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Old 10-02-2003, 21:35   #5
Blast
'nuff said
 
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Location: NKY/Cincinnati area
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Acng Lkdf Eihgf Xzsfr Kkuf Njhy Ibjzd Guyx Hkud Tiyr insane jhxzr hvs zsdjhg mjg nbfys nuts kjg hggus logv crazy jhsri disturbed akih nhr xdod.;f
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A man should look for what is, and not for what he thinks should be - Albert Einstein
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Old 10-02-2003, 22:00   #6
proguncali
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1911-2004
 
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Location: At your Mom's
Posts: 18,402
If you wanna pee on the Redwoods, you gotta run with the Big Dogs.~ME
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I had the start of a good practical joke going and you had to urinate on the embers. -Eric
Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
What this country needs is that rage we had on 911.
Brace yourself for the tsunami of stupid that is about to hit...
I think, perhaps, it is time for a moment of silent meditation to Saint Fu.
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