One day a man was driving down the street and he really had to take a crap. He stops at an old abondon gas station and takes a big wet crap. When he gets done he realizes that there's no toilet paper. Searching desparatly for something he sees a hole in the wall that says "in case of no toilet paper wipe with two fingers and stick in hole, it will then be cleaned by the mouth of a human." He thought that that was gross but he was desparate so he wiped and stuck his fingers in the hole. There was a guy on the other side with two bricks. He clapped them on his fingers. The guy pulled his fingers out and stuck them in his mouth to try and relieve the pain.
Don't dial 911, dial 1911
If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!
Schiit audio, everything else ain't.