Forgot his dentures
An elderly man sat down at the table in the cruise ship dining room on his first night at sea. The waiter placed a delicious looking filet mignon in front of him. The man dug in his pockets for a moment, then swore, "Damn, I can't eat this. I forgot my dentures!"
Another man sitting across from him immediately lifted a black bag from the floor, rummaged around, then picked out a set of teeth. He handed them to the elderly man, saying, "Here, try these."
The elderly man slipped them in, then removed them. "These are too small."
The other man rummaged again, came up with another pair, then said, "How about these?"
The forgetful senior citizen tried those, tested on a bite of steak, then beamed. "These are the best fitting teeth I've ever had. You must be a genius. When we land, I want to go to your dental office for an appointment."
The other man said, "I'm afraid I don't give appointments."
Because I'm not a dentist, I'm a mortician."
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