[Glockrunner]

1) The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale next week.

2) Leak proof thermoses--will.

3) The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

4) The garbage truck will be two doors past your house when the argument over whose day it is to take out the trash ends.

5) The shirt your child must wear today will be the only one that needs to be washed or mended.

6) Gym clothes left at school in lockers mildew at a faster rate than other clothing.

7) The item your child lost, and must have for school within the next ten seconds, will be found in the last place you look. [By definition]

8) Sick children recover miraculously when the pediatrician enters the treatment room.

9) Refrigerated items, used daily, will gravitate toward the back of the refrigerator.

10) Your chances of being seen by someone you know dramatically increase if you drive your child to school in your robe and curlers.