[Nowhere Man]

>> SOCIAL SECURITY SEX
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>>Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm
>>having Social Security sex."
>>"Social Security sex"?
>>"Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
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>>LOUD SEX
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>>A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem,
>>doctor.
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>> Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear
>>splitting yell".
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>>"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what
>>the problem is."
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>> "The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!"
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>>QUIET SEX
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>>Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife
>>during a recent lovemaking session,
>>
>> "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"
>>She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"
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>>CONFOUNDED SEX
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>>A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn
>>from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him
>>back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since
>>it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for
>>"small" , $6,500 for "medium", $14,000 for "large". The man was sure he
>>would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over
>>with
>>his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone
>>and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found
>>the man looking dejected.
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>>"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
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>>The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."
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>>WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX
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>>A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
>>wedding anniversary.
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>> The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
>>"Here Lies My Wife-Cold As Ever".
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>>"Yeah," she replies, "when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
>>reads:
>>" Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At
>>Last".
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>>WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX
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>>My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will
>>make you happy tonight".
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>> He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the
>>doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
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>>ELDERLY SEX
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>>One night an 87 year old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 year
>>old
>>husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up
>>pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living apartment
>>.. killing him instantly.
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>>Brought before the court on charge of murder, the judge asked her if she
>>had anything to say in her defense.
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>> She began coolly, "Yes, your honor, I figured that at 92, if he could
>> have
>>sex . he could fly."

[eddief4]