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Old 07-16-2007, 09:16   #1
Glockrunner
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Tips For Northerners Moving South

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.

Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at the movie store.

If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.

Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent.

Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

People walk slower here.

Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck"or "big ol' boy".

If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.

Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact , if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.

Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.

The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.

Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.

Florida is not considered a southern state. There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.

In southern churches you will hear the hymn, "All Glory, Laud and Honor". You will also hear expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy","Good Laud", and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy".

As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.

You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the position of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.
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Old 07-16-2007, 16:40   #2
major
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Here's another tip for those of you visiting in the South: We don't give a rat's hiney how y'all do it up North.

Also, we don't like being made fun of. If you don't like it in the South, I-75 NORTH is open 24 hours a day. Use it!
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Old 07-17-2007, 18:59   #3
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"Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive."

More Yankee crap trying to pose as Southern. 'Y'all' is a contraction of 'you all', which is obviously plural. 'All y'all' is inclusive plural, indicating that the persons referred to are all of those present.
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Old 07-18-2007, 13:08   #4
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Best tip for a Yankee. DO NOT COME SOUTH! We have enough of yall already!
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Old 07-18-2007, 13:21   #5
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Major, if 75 is backed up, they can feel free to use 95 North!

Never understood why Northerners "escape" the North, and then try to make the South like the North.
I am a transplant, and like the Southern way of doing things!
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Old 07-20-2007, 15:10   #6
Cali-Glock
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Re: Tips For Northerners Moving South

Quote:
Originally posted by Glockrunner
You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the position of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.
My brother in-law owns a tow truck business in Tenessee, but moved to the particular town he works out of about 10 years ago, and occasionally he does not know every tree, hill, or rock used in directions.

Customer: One time someone called and said turn where "the old oak used to be."

Brother-in-law: Used to be? How long has it been gone?

Customer: A tornado took it out in '87



I wanted to know the rest of the story.... So what did you do. He simply responded, "I found it... unless you can deal with instructions like that you have no business living down here boy!"

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Old 07-20-2007, 15:22   #7
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North or south, anyone east of the Mississippi is strange.
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Old 07-20-2007, 17:39   #8
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I have seen numerous items such as this about how to live/adapt/interpret being in the south. Just a sign of how many are moving to the Promised Land. Anybody ever see an item like this about how to live/adapt/interpret being in the north? Of course not. No one is moving there. Ever hear of anybody retiring and moving to the North? Of course not. Why in the He** would they? Anyone from here (the Promised Land) has heard some one complain about how much better things are "back home". Ever hear of any of the grippers/complainers leave here and go back? Me neither. Makes you wonder if it is really that great "back home" huh?
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Old 07-20-2007, 22:24   #9
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My family and I were eating at our favorite all-you-can-eat catfish restaurant here in Monroeville, Alabama (home of Harper Lee,author of "To Kill a Mockingbird".) Some persons from north of the Mason/Dixon Line were asking about the side dishes when the waitress asked,"Fries or grits?" When the waitress then tried to explian "grits", the lady replied, "Well, maybe I'll try just one grit, to see if I like them".

Save your Confederate money, boys, the south will rise again.
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Old 07-21-2007, 14:14   #10
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The difference between a Yankee and a Dam* Yankee?
A Yankee comes for a visit. A Dam* Yankee stays.


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Old 07-22-2007, 10:57   #11
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Quote:
Never understood why Northerners "escape" the North, and then try to make the South like the North.
It's opposite on the left coast. Folk move up North and try to turn Washington and Oregon into California.


Quote:
When the waitress then tried to explian "grits"
The waitress should have said it's like breakfast polenta.
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Old 07-22-2007, 12:17   #12
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Down here we have a saying, "He needed killin'." And we're serious about it.
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Old 07-27-2007, 14:34   #13
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A few others:

We have four seasons: hot, damn hot, holy **** it's hot, not so hot.


You know you live in the south when:

1. You have ever attended a wedding during a tropical storm.

2. You ever shot a cockroach, spider, or other insect.

3. Had to honk a horn to get the alligator in the street to move so you could get to work.

4. Been bass fishing on Christmas Eve.

5. Lost your car at the flea market because some 4-wheel drive truck covered it in mud.

6. You can identify, capture, and relocate harmless snakes.

7. during a thunderstorm with 100 feet visibility, you drive 65mph.

8. ..you have ever eaten any of these: alligator, gar, mullet, raccoon, opossum, squirrel
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