They have about 20 miles before they overheat, breakdown or run out of gas.
Only the owner knows how to operate the door to get in or out.
It is difficult to drive fast with all the fence tools, grease rags, ropes, chains, syringes, buckets, boots and loose papers in the cab.
It takes too long to start, and the smoke coming up through the rusted-out floorboard clouds your vision.
The Border Collie on the toolbox looks mean.
They're too easy to spot. The description might go something like this:
The driver's side door is red, the passenger side door is green, the right front fender is yellow, etc.
The large round bale in the back makes it hard to see if you're being chased. You could use the mirrors if they weren't cracked and covered with duct tape.
Top speed is approximately 45 mph.
Who wants to steal a truck that needs a year's worth of maintenance, u-joints, $3,000 in body work, tail-lights and windshield?
Don't dial 911, dial 1911
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