A SOP for Ice cream
I thought I would post this... I typed this up for our Dept to help cure any confusion that may arise when ice cream is bought. Feel free to used it or mod it to fit your needs.
23 Jan, 2007
ICE CREAM SOP
1) XFD personal are mandated to buy ice cream only after the event/events have occurred that require said purchase. Random acts of kindness; as in buying ice cream for your duty shift, can not and will not be construed as buying “Ice Cream Insurance.”
2) During a scheduled birthday, it is your turn to buy ice cream for your assigned shift during the duty day closest to said birthday. IF that scheduled birthday falls on a scheduled tour of duty at XFD and you have taken that day or any part of that day off using HT/STO/VAC/Trade; without providing said ice cream, you owe ice cream, PLUSS ice cream interest.
3) If you have your picture in the local News Paper/TV you owe your shift ice cream. One (1) quart minimum.
4) If your face makes the national news (print) you owe your department ice cream, on top of what you owe your shift. One and one half (1 ˝) gallons of ice cream for each shift including your own shift. Plus one half gallon (1/2) of premium grade ice cream for your assigned shift. Double this quanity if you are on the International News.
5) If your face makes national news (TV) you owe your department ice cream. Plus you owe your shift lots of ice cream. One and one half (1 ˝) gallons of ice cream for each shift including your own shift. Plus two (2) half gallons of premium grade ice cream for your assigned shift. Double this quanity if you are on the International News.
6) If in the course of letting your little head think for your big head and you find yourself in situation 2 through 4 (see above) you become subject to a decision by XXXXX.
7) If in the course of performing your normal station duties and or XFD PR and it’s deemed by XXXXX that you either said or performed such acts to intentionally cause your name/face to appear in the media, you will owe your assigned shift ice cream. This act will be subject to an ice cream penalty that is directly proportional to the atrociousness of said act.
8) If in the process of performing station duties, you schedule or arrange an event that happens to fall on a day that another shift is working, and this event causes someone else to fall into categories 3,4,5 or 6, THE SCHEDULER has to buy ice cream in accordance with the above SOP’s. This said purchase shall be made on behalf of person or persons that were framed into this media event. (This shall be known as the XXXXXXX Rule)
9) If the ice cream violation goes unnoticed / uncalled for seven (7) business days then the statute of limitations for that ice cream infraction are up. The violator/s are now safe and may flout their accomplishment without penalty.
10) Disagreeing with XXXXX over these SOPs is the equivalent of wrestling with a pig in the mud. Soon or later you will discover the pig likes it. However arguing will incur an ice cream fine to be paid to your shift on the day of said violation.
11) The only exception to the above rules regarding your picture is if you are in the media due to a unique fishing or hunting trophy that you harvested. Then your shift must buy you the ice cream of your choice as tribute to your pure manliness.
12) If you die and your picture is in the media, your estate must buy ice cream in accordance to the above rules.
13) This SOP is subject to change and or interpolation at any time without prior notice by XXXXX
The Roman Empire did not create a prospering society and come to be feared by having meetings and doing paperwork; they did this by killing all who opposed them
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