A Sad Announcement
PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY OBITUARY: Veteran Pillsbury spokesmodel Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.
Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years.
Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, Chef Boyardee, and the Hostess Twinkies.
The grave site was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jamima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.
Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and another in the oven.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
"Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."